Monday, June 11, 2012

50 Shades of Gay

I have pretty low standards for my entertainment in general, but I realized over the weekend that I do have my limits. Here are 3 popular things that I experienced over the weekend:

1. That annoyingly catchy song "Call Me Maybe".  Most my time in the car is spent listening to the Wiggles, so being stuck in traffic was my chance to hear it for the first time..and then 18 more times after that on a variety of stations. I think this was the first time I've ever discovered a song, liked it, and then had radio kill it for me, all in one trip.


2. On Saturday night, I saw "Snow White and the Huntsman". I went with my family since I was staying with them and I sat next to my little brother and we laughed through the whole thing. I will never be able to take Kristen Stewart seriously in any role ever if she doesn't learn to close her freaking mouth.

This is the height of her acting skills

This is also her facial expression for fear, delight and boredom. 

The movie had many flaws, but the main one was casting a mouth breather for Snow White. We started to theorize that perhaps her two chipmunk teeth in the front made her incapable of closing her mouth.

This was supposed to be the fairest of them all.

I still enjoyed the movie because it was so bad that it was good. Plus, my little brother was making me crack up by doing things like after Snow White came back to life with true love's kiss, he shouted "It's a zombie! Kill it!" We're lucky that the theater was mostly empty, which was surprising since I read that the movie made 54 million dollars in the first weekend.

I did discover a new role for Kristen Stewart: she'd be perfect for playing the female lead in 50 Shades of Grey.


3. I finally finished reading 50 Shades of Grey (or Gay as I liked to call it). It's a point of pride for me to always finish a book once I start, but I still had a hard time pushing through this book. The writing is so, so bad. It's not just that it's bad, it's highly repetitive so if there is something you don't like, you have to read it over and over again. We get it, the female character bites her lip a lot and the male character thinks it's sexy. I don't need to be reminded of that every freaking chapter. Also, the male character is hot. The constant "I can't believe this beautiful man is interested in me!" is so Bella Swan of the Twilight series and I don't know why you would rip off that book since it wasn't exactly Shakespeare either.

I know this book is in the romance genre so I can forgive a lot of the hackneyed literary devices (and references to throbbing members and such), but the core of it was an awful message. Don't like fundamental parts of a man? You can change him with your love! It's not like she's trying to get him to be better about putting the toilet seat down, she doesn't like how he relates to women in general and yet she thinks she can change him and the book seems to suggest that it is possible.

I can't say I could recommend this book to anyone with a straight face, but on a positive note, several parts made me laugh out loud. Sure, those parts were ridiculous sex scenes, but I still laughing so I give it points for that.

I haven't decided on reading the rest of the series. I just finished a great novella by George R.R. Martin (Game of Thrones author) called "In the House of the Worm" and I might just stick to reading more of his short story collections because I don't feel stupider when I'm done reading them like I did with 50 Shades of Gay.

Yeah, I read cool shit.


What was the last good book you read? I have a Kindle giftcard burning a hole in my pocket and I need good recommendations.

44 comments:

  1. I can't read "good book" without thinking about the Bible. Can you get that on Kindle?

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    2. Well, I only read the Bible in the Hebrew or Aramaic and that's not Kindle compatible.

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    3. I can't read "burning a hole" without thinking burning a-hole. ouchie!

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    4. It's true, you did say that you had pretty low standards, so the bible might fit that. But, like that song, you'll probably get sick of it very quickly once you realize that it's full of crap.

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  2. We watched Snow White and the Huntsmen last weekend and I actually thought it was okay, minus Kristen Stewart. Not only is she a terrible actress, but she's supposed to prettier than Charlize Theron? Ok.

    I'm finally reading the GOT series and love it. It helps that I saw the first two seasons already so I know all the characters and can keep them straight!

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  3. I really want(ed) to see Snow White. Is it that bad?

    I just got Pillars of the earth and the Paris Wife on kindle from the library, but i can't get into them yet. not exactly beach reading.

    I liked Mindy Kalings book and the sample of Andy Cohens. i just finished Night Circus and it was good. I couldn't get past the bad writing in the sample of 50 Shades, yet still put myself on the wait list (I will not buy it!) b/c I want to see what all the (over)hype is about.

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  4. I'm actually hunting for a good book too. I found Hot Lights and Cold Steel to be hilarious It's a memoir about a surgeon undergoing residency training. But it might not be your thing.

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  5. I thought the Shades of Grey characters were in fact based on Edward and Bella.

    I also despise Kristin Stewart.

    One time as a result of emailing with you and Kari I spent a significant amount of time studying "the passive voice" on various English sites and I still don't what the hell it is so I don't think the hackneyed literary devices will bother me.

    I think you can change a man, and there are dirty dishes in my dishwasher to prove it.

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    1. They are. It apparently started as Twilight fanfiction. Which is why I'm gonna take a big fat pass.

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  6. Oh also I liked the Bronze Horseman series, it has some sex but also a good story, I have the first one, we can do a book exchange!

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  7. Did you actually finish 50 shades of grey? I know a lot of people who read it, but since they are the ones that have Bachelor/Bachelorette watching marathons, I probably shouldn't be getting too many reading recommendations from them.

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    1. I actually finished it. It was like finishing a 20 mile run with an upset GI system but I did it.

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    2. So your saying that this trashy book is good training for JFK?

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  8. My husband and I saw Snow White over the weekend, too (the only time we ever go out and see movies is when the in-laws are in town). We both agreed that Charlize Theron WAS in fact the fairest of them all and spent the whole ride home re-casting Snow White as someone who was not only that pretty but could be as compelling a good guy as the queen was a bad guy.

    I've read a lot of good books...I recommend Room, Strength in What Remains, Brooklyn and (if you want a running book) Running with the Kenyans.

    50 Shades of Gray has 240+ holds at my library. Here's my favorite line: "Christian squirts baby oil into his hand and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness—from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid."

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  9. Now I just want to return the copy I bought. I had never noticed that Kristen's mouth is open all the time. Annoying. I am tired of Call Me Maybe too. Why do I want to call her Maybe? So freaking tired of it playing on the radio!

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    1. i still hear it less than that Gotye song.

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  10. The most annoying part for me were all of the italicized "thoughts" after each sentence. "Holy Crap!" It's like an emoticon but with words. It's pretty fantastic...ha!

    I'm also embarrassed to say that I never picked up on the Twilight parallel even though that's how the whole series started. I missed it until someone else pointed it out to me.

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    1. Now that I think about it I understand it all so much better. Freaking Twilight :)

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  11. I have to confess, I really liked 50 Shades of Grey. Yep, it was repetitive to the point of nausea and very badly written, but I enjoyed it and can't even explain why. I read all 3 books...twice. I know, so embarrassing for an English major. All I can think is that I needed a break from reality and this was on offer at the time. I never read the Twilight series or saw the movies but if they cast Kristen Openmouth as Ana I will have to express my outrage in a very badly worded, repetitive letter to the author.

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    1. Don't worry, I think they are thinking of Justin Beiber's girlfriend for the role. I'm sure Disney shows have prepared her for that role.

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  12. Well, a thousand splendid suns, the secret daughter was good too.
    Or if you want lighter maeve binchy was good.

    Oh water for elephants, that was great too.

    And you can't go wrong wiht any John Irving books, that man knows how to write.

    Have not read twilight or the new twilight knock off or Harry potter...

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    1. I've read A Thousand Splendid Suns, The Secret Daughter and Water For Elephants and generally enjoyed them, so at least you're on the right track :)

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  13. I second the recommendation for Room. Have you read the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy yet?

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    1. I did read that series and I liked it!

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  14. I hate Call Me Maybe. So freaking annoying.

    I can barely get through The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which I thought was supposed to be good. I'm sticking with running books from now on!

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    1. I liked that song probably 3 of the 11 times I heard it on Saturday :)

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  15. Ooh I haven't read anything but Game of Thrones by George (yes we are on a first name basis) I will have to check out some of his short stories.

    Throbbing member, hehe where do they come up with that stuff. Its a PENIS!

    Now I will never be able to look at Kristen Stewart without checking to see if her mouth is open or closed.

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    1. It's never closed unless she's playing dead.

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  16. I'm so glad you hated the book. I was given the recommendation to read it and I figured it couldn't really be that good. The last good book I've read was the Hunger Games series so if you come up with something good let me know.

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  17. I would rather have sand in my vagina than read 50 Shades of Gray. Glad I'm not the only one.

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  18. My husband is obsessed with the Call Me Maybe song -- he teaches high schoolers and they turned him on to it (he listens to podcasts on the way to work). He started singing the chorus yesterday and I just about smacked him. Ugh.

    Books I've read this year that I really liked were:
    -- 11/22/63 by Stephen King

    -- The Descendants by Kaui Hart Hemmings

    -- Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by: Laura Hillenbrand

    -- And The Hunger Games if you haven't gotten there yet.

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  19. The have several books recently, but they are about psychiatric illnesses. Not too sure how interested you are in that. The stories are pretty fascinating

    1.Divided Minds: Twin Sisters and Their Journey Through Schizophrenia

    2.Sickened: The Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood

    My husband is currently reading, A Bad Idea I'm About to Do. I can't wait to read it when he is finished because he is constantly laughing out loud when reading it.

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  20. Believe it or not, the last two books in the Shades series get even worse. I only made it a few pages into the third book and called it quits. You can definitely find something better with your Kindle gift card than those books! :)

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  21. Thank you for that review of 50 Shades of Gray, now I know for sure that I can skip it. I just read a book by Clive Cussler, outside my usual genre, that was interesting enough to keep my occupied during nap time. :)

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    1. CLIVE CUSSLER!!! He's my favorite author.

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  22. 50 shades of grey was awful, and the sequels are even worse.
    I just downloaded a book called "escape from camp 14" on my Kindle. It's a true-life account of a child's (he was a teenager at the time) escape from a prison camp in North Korea. Really good so far.

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  23. I have heard terrible things about 50 Shades of Grey. Ugh.

    In good entertainment news, Patrick and I have started watching Game of Thrones. It's only slightly annoying when I pause it every 15min so I can ask him questions. Maybe I should just read the books ;)

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  24. You're welcome. I knew you'd appreciate good literature.

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  25. The last few Stephen King books have been pretty amazing, but I'm a fangirl, so there's that.

    I don't think I've yet heard Call Me Maybe. Listening to talk radio almost exclusively has its benefits.

    My mom's best friend was a special ed teacher, and confessed that all of her special ed students were mouth breathers, which made he question the intelligence of every mouth breather she met after that.

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  26. The library has piles of crap in the paperbacks, I think, so you can always try that. I'm sure anything looking Western, or with some woman falling out of a lowcut dress, will be fantastic.

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  27. No hesitation the plight of homosexuals is on the top of the list of social problems professed in the EU because this week a meeting is taking place in Europe to address the fact that not everyone is getting onboard with the "gay agenda. Homophobia, transphobia and other forms of sexual orientation discrimination is said to still exist in the EU on a larger scale than the Union wants to see.

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