I'm using the term "celebrity" loosely and if they can secure the cover of magazine, that means I lump them in that category, even if their only claim to fame is getting knocked up at 16 and letting MTV film their lives. Most celebrities pick awful names for their babies and there isn't much of a chance for overlap. Until today. Enter Kourtney Kardashian (ugh, even typing Kourtney with a "K" is painful for me) and her new baby, Penelope Scotland.
It's like Kourtney realized her family is full of trashbags and whores and in a vain attempt to salvage her kid's future, she desperately grasped for the two fanciest words she could think of at the moment.
It's not bad enough that she named her first kid Mason after my alma mater George Mason University, now she has stolen my first choice girl name of Penelope. She's obviously obsessed with me and I can rightfully take this as a personal slight.
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| Tough shit cupcake |
Granted we have a list with 6 girl names we like, but Penelope was the one I liked the best and now it's dead to me. I can't have a kid with the same name as a freaking Kardashian, especially within 6 months of each other. It sucks because I really liked that name. I sincerely doubt that Kourtney picked it for the same reasons as me (I love Homer's Odyssey), so it seems like she should have stuck to the celebrity tradition of picking ridiculous names like Prana or something.
It's not just that Kourtney used my favorite name, the worst part is now all dumbasses who actually watch her show sincerely (and not just hate watch it, which is totally legit) will start naming their babies Penelope and the next thing you know, it will be just as trailer park as Krystal or Rylee. Sure, this all may sound like the rantings of a crazy person, but I can blame hormones for my high level of upset over this whole Penelope debacle.
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| Man, she is such a natural beauty. |
I tried to explain to my husband about the horror of a Kardashian hijacking of my favorite name and his response "Is that the chick who had the really hairy baby? The Wolfman baby? Well, we can't name our kid after that". He does have a point. When I look at Mason, I think "He looks like the littlest member of Hezbollah!", not "How adorable!"
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| It's their fault for putting him in pinstripes |
Also, let's not forget that Kourtney not only let E! film her birth, she PULLED OUT HER OWN FUCKING BABY. Yeah, that's right. She doesn't need a doctor, she just did it herself. Who knows how she topped that this time.
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| Who does this?? |
So one sister's claim to fame is that her mom orchestrated the release of her sex tape, the other one resembles Sasquatch in heels, and this one yanks babies out of her own cootch. That pretty much sums up why "Penelope" was taken off our short list of baby names this morning.
I'm not against all celebrity baby names. If I like the celebrity, I don't have a problem sharing a name with them. For example, Buffy is good at naming babies:
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| Buffy can do no wrong |
Now I'm worried that if I pick another favorite name that some other trashbag celebrity is going to steal it and ruin it. At least Snooki is having a boy, so I'm safe there.
Have you ever had a name "ruined" for you?
fuck the kardashians.
ReplyDeleteYou should just go with Buffy. Or Willow. I like Willow. But that's a lot to live up to. Hot lesbian witch? How can you compete with that?
What if I name her Willow and she doesn't have red hair??
Deletedo what we did and base the name on hair color.
DeleteAlso, pulling out your own baby is almost as fucked up as eating the placenta.
ReplyDeleteI bet she did that too.
DeleteDid not know she pulled out her own baby. I wish I still didn't know.
ReplyDeleteMy blog is full of things you can't unsee or unknow.
DeleteWhich is the extra special treat of your blog.
DeleteI made the mistake of actually watching her pull out that baby (I must have been reallllyyy bored)...and it has scared me for life...
Deleteand also scarred me.
DeleteI'm pretty sure Scylla and Charybdis are still available. Or maybe Circe or Calypso. Calypso would probably end up being a stripper, but still, it's a nice name.
ReplyDeleteI have Calypso on my short list for horse names. Too bad I will never get a mare because bitches be crazy.
DeleteThis is by far the funniest post of yours I have ever read. I'm snorting at my desk again. I detest the Kardashians so of course I love your hatred of them as well. By the way, I've been told I have a stripper name. I must have gone into the wrong profession. Damn it.
ReplyDeleteI feel like Amber is a lame stripper name. If you were an actual stripper, you'd have to spice it up to be like "Diamond" or something. :)
DeleteOh - this had me rolling. Thank you. I needed this today. Sorry she stole your name though.
ReplyDeleteKrystal! Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI thought we all agreed your next child will be named Katniss. After Peanut's middle name.
Many names have been ruined for me and not just from "celebrities". The name Samantha causes me to recoil. From an elementary school incident.
For some reason, Jeff isn't on board with Katniss as a name. Go figure.
DeleteI had our boys name stolen. It was pretty irritating but now I like Andrew or Drew much better.
ReplyDeleteBetter now than later, just think of how pissed you'd be if she used your name AFTER you already had your baby!
Oh and that's pretty much the reason why my middle child's name is not Cassidy. I cannot stand Kathy Lee Gifford and that is her kid's name. Loved the name, cannot stand Kathy Lee. Make me gag.
If she had stolen my name after I had my baby, I would probably send her hate mail.
DeleteEw, that sucks! Although, I barely think that she is a celebrity so I'd probably use that name anyway. I heard Jessica Simpson is nicknaming her daughter Maxwell, Maxi...like a maxi pad. There's a cute name, lol.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be a cover issue of People with the name "Penelope Scotland has arrived!" and that crosses the line enough for me. :)
DeleteHow are they famous enough for a People cover?! Lame. Yeah, that does ruin it then.
DeleteMy favorite boy name happens to be the name of my favorite ex boyfriend. Huh.
ReplyDeletePenelope will always be a pig name to me.
I had completely forgotten that awful movie until you reminded me!
DeleteI like the name Olive and I'm just waiting for some celebrity to trash that name.
ReplyDeleteYou should name your baby Buffy. I almost want to have another girl so I can name her Olive.
A dog named Peanut and a kid named Olive. It's like I secretly want to run a bar instead of have a family :)
DeleteI didn't even know any Kardashians had kids, or that there were three of them. This post was so informative. My former teammate was Kortney, and let's just say I didn't shed any tears when she left. So Scotland is what, the baby's middle name?
ReplyDeleteIt's either the middle name or where they made the baby, who knows?
DeleteI love the name Madison. Until Million Dollar Listing came out and Madison was a name of one of the realtors. Bah!
ReplyDeletehttp://nextstop-baby.blogspot.com/
Great blog where she often discusses celebrity baby names.
I hate to say that I watch every single episode of the Kardashians. I am a disgusting human being.
Even the Kardashian spin offs? Even Khloe and Lamar?? I wouldn't admit that if I did. :)
DeleteWe strongly considered Penelope, but luckily my husband had seen Club Dread a few too many times for us to use it. I have spent all day being thankful we went with Charlotte instead. And WTF is up with Scotland? Is that where she conceived or something?
ReplyDeleteMaybe Scotland is going to be the new "Brooklyn" of girl names.
Deletei loved the name EMMA way before Friends - but once it was used on friends I crossed it off my list forever!
ReplyDeleteEmma is such a popular name now!
DeleteIf it makes you feel any better, Penelope always makes me think of a pink muppet anyway.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, Penelope always makes me think of a pink muppet anyway.
ReplyDeleteI must be behind on my Muppet knowledge!
DeleteI should not read your blog at work. That "family portrait" made me think of the Addams Family. My sister-in-law caught her own kid, but she's a nurse-midwife, so she gets a pass.
ReplyDeleteThat's just like an accountant doing his own taxes, totally ok.
DeleteIf I were to have another girl... Penelope was on my top three. Then my sister called and said That the Kardashian named her baby that!! It's Ok I still have two other names picked out..lol
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you have that many girl names left after already having two :)
DeleteI hate everything those K people stand for - so much so that I usually just divert my eyes every time I see their name in print - I guess this was a good exception to that rule :-D
ReplyDeleteHubs wanted "Rachael" on our short girl list and I did kind of like it, but it was right around the "Rachael & Brendan" Big Brother thing and I was so pissed that she ruined the name. I was even ok that it automatically made me think of Rachael Green because I knew it would pass eventually. Now I'm glad we didn't have a chance to use the name because there are 2 other Rachael's in Cameron's class.
Oh, but it just occurred to me that you'd likely call her "Penny" anyways, wouldn't you? Then everyone would think it was a Big Bang origin!
ReplyDeleteSee that's the only thing with Penelope. I hate the name penny. Reminds me of a toy poodle a family member had. However you could use the nicknames Nellie (which I do like), Poppy, and Piper..Not sure how Piper fits into Penelope, but it's cute.
DeleteI'm ok with Penny, but I guess now I don't have to worry about nicknames :)
DeleteThis post made my day. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI personally hate the name so she can have it. I am so relieved you aren't going to name your daughter that. I am not sure I could continue to read your blog if you had named your daughter Penelope. A Kardashian doing something like that makes me dislike the name and them even more. What a stupid family photo, looks like they are trying to be all Adams Family or something. and that whole pulling the baby out thing WTF?!
ReplyDeleteThey do look like the Addams family! Especially the 13 year next to Kim...why does she looks all creepy sexy??
DeleteI'm sorry your name got stolen! I liked Harper but now the Beckham's stole that. I'm having a girl too! Yay!
ReplyDeleteYay for girls!
Deleteah...THAT's where Harper came from. My friend's brother- and sister-in-law just named their baby that and I wondered what the inspiration was.
DeleteThat happened to my mom. She's a teacher so there were certain names she couldn't name me in fear of an ever constant memory of some terrors she taught :)
ReplyDeleteI really like the name Penelope!
It's such a great name to be ruined by such awful people!
DeleteI'm not going to lie - Charlotte Grace is one of the names we had picked out as a possibility for our little one! Darn that Buffy - she does have good taste. And on the whole pulling your own baby out thing - yeah...I did that. I was pushing for 45 minutes when my doctor said, "Do you want your baby?" OF COURSE I WANT MY BABY! I had no idea what she meant when she said, "Reach down" - but of course she's my doctor so I did. Let me tell you, pulling your own baby out is the weirdest/coolest feeling in the world. I am 100% sure if she had asked me in advance if I wanted to I would have said no (and really don't feel any need to do it a second time) but at that moment I just wanted the baby OUT! So there you go. The answer to "Who does that?" Me apparently.
ReplyDeleteIf my doctor had suggested that, I would have been like "Are you going to give me part of your pay? No? THEN YOU PULL OUT MY GOOEY BABY"
Deleteew.
Delete"THEN YOU PULL OUT MY GOOEY BABY."
Deleteoh.my.god. I am practically crying from trying not to laugh out loud at the office. EW. And hysterical.
Penelope is a favorite of mine too. Except we'd pronounce it like the foreign guy from Club Dread. Pena-lope.
ReplyDeleteI think I need to watch this Club Dread movie!
DeleteFirst of all, I'm astonished that you have 38 (now 39) comments and literally just proclaimed to myself, out loud, "THIRTY EIGHT COMMENTS?!?"
ReplyDeleteSecond, I feel your pain with the baby naming, since my boyfriend and I really love the name Mason. Those damn baby name-hijacking Kardashians.
You can tell people you named your kid after my awesome school :)
DeleteOne more name to cross of my list, one step closer to figuring out the baby name.
DeleteThat sucks. I didn't know a celebrity was capable of choosing a name that was in the realm of normal baby names.
ReplyDeleteWorking at a day care while in college really ruined a lot of names for me. Some of those kids were just awful. Now anytime I hear the names, Quinlan, Olivia, or Jacob my skin crawls.
Before this, I would have said "Quinlan" was a made up name haha
DeleteI barely even know who the Kardashians are. Found this education. Thanks......pulling your own baby out? Ewwwwww to the nth degree. That's just nasty stuff. I am pretty sure this one she ate the placenta.
ReplyDeleteI bet she'd put it in a smoothie!
DeleteI actually just read this post out loud to my Husband after I got to the point of "hate watching" I couldn't contain it any more. I'm all for naming your kid Buffy, but then I'm pretty obsessed with the show and I've watched it in its entirety probably once a year. I would have named one of my girls that except I have an older cousin by that name and unfortunately I can't stand her or her family. That being said, my Sister is currently gestating a boy and she's naming him my maiden name in honor of my Dad, because clearly when one thinks to honor a father figure you go with the last name. The child is going to have three last names for all his names! I really don't think there is any way to sound more pretentious than to have your entire name just be three last names.
ReplyDeleteI think the trend is to give your kid a last name sounding first name, or at least I keep hearing examples of it!
DeleteI'm pretty sure the bullies would be able to make a penis-Penelope connection, so maybe your kid dodged a bullet on that one. But still, I'd be pissed if a horrible reality show hoochie stole a name I had on my list.
ReplyDeleteI taught hundreds of kids gymnastics for several years - I don't think there is a name left I can name a child after that experience. Rachel Jr. it is!
I think bullies can make a penis connection out of any name if they try hard enough (that's what she said?)
DeleteLeave it to this crazy celebrity to steal your favorite baby name. I'd be pissed too!
ReplyDeleteWorking in an elementary school it was interesting to see the popular names. The super popular name of Aiden/Ayden/Aaden clearly came from Sex and the City.
ReplyDeleteIf you like literature names, consider Hester Prynne? hahaha
"hester" sounds like it would be a really REALLY ugly girl.
Delete"Hester? I nearly KILLED her!"
idk, she must have been hot, she seduced the pastor and got knocked up by someone who wasn't her husband back in the long long ago.
DeleteI loved the name Penelope, too! Although my husband hated it, I would have kept it on the list for future girls but yep, it's off the list. I'm glad i didn't name Molly Penelope since everyone would think that I got the name from her but I could tell people she stole my name! Also, I think mason looks like a wolf-man, too. He's so awkward looking!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little disturbed that you know so much about them. What is it that they're famous for anyway?! I knew in college that if I had a girl she would be Bonnie. It was also something my husband learned before we even started dating. Luckily it's an old name and most people have forgotten it. Unless it is their grandma's name.
ReplyDeleteOh, bummer about the name. Krystal always makes me think of trailer trash too.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher, almost all names are off limits once you've had a terrorizing even with one of them. That's why I like to teach at inner city schools. I wasn't going to name my child Moet, "after mommy's favorite drink" or d'Ymond anyway. "No, Mrs. B, it's pronounced Diamond, that's why the Y is a capitol letter." Oh, ok.
yanks babies out of her own cootch --> awesome. best string of words ever.
ReplyDeleteYou're the second person I know who is upset about this Penelope thing. Honestly, I didn't even know the Kardashians were reproducing. That's the most depressing thing about this whole post.
ReplyDeleteI'm completely with you on all of it. And no hormones to blame. I even eliminated names because someone I didn't like once in college had that name. This is why we didn't have a name until we were driving to the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to realize that one day your child is going to read the words that you write. As much as you may try to hide your blog from them, the internet is never deleted. Maybe you should be a little more concerned about the kind of person you are portraying yourself to be through your words instead of the Kardashians.
ReplyDeleteYou're totally right. I'm deeply, deeply ashamed. I hope my children never find out that I'm fucking hilarious.
DeleteI recently found your blog and I'm making my way through your "Best Of" posts, and I had to comment on this one. We had our Penelope 6 months before Kourtney Kardashian had hers, and I was so annoyed when I found out. The last thing I wanted was a trendy baby name. At least we didn't spell it "Pynelopie" or something. Now when we introduce Penny to new people, I make sure to tell them that my husband wanted the name Penelope because of Inspector Gadget. Because nothing says trendy hipster like naming your kid after an 80s cartoon, ha!
ReplyDeleteAt least we gave her a super normal middle name, in case she gets sick of correcting people mispronouncing or misspelling her name (although we're not helping matters, we lovingly call her "Penelope the Cantaloupe").
Love the blog!
Love your blog! I just had my third child on December 26th so I love reading about Cordelia! After reading this post, I had to comment. I had the exact same reaction when I heard about Kourtney naming her baby Penelope because it was also the name we selected for our baby. I love the name so much though so we went with it anyway. My husband assures me that these trashy kardashians will be forgotten in a few years. Fingers crossed that people don't start naming their kids after hers!!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog! I just had my third child on December 26th so I love reading about Cordelia! After reading this post, I had to comment. I had the exact same reaction when I heard about Kourtney naming her baby Penelope because it was also the name we selected for our baby. I love the name so much though so we went with it anyway. My husband assures me that these trashy kardashians will be forgotten in a few years. Fingers crossed that people don't start naming their kids after hers!!
ReplyDelete