Getting ready

A fun question that people love asking women late in their pregnancy is "Are you ready?". This is about as easy to answer as "Are you excited?". The answer to both is "Is feeling a faint need to vomit a sign of readiness and excitement? If so, then yes." Since I'm 38 weeks pregnant now, I'm of course thinking about having the baby on a fairly frequent basis, but I still don't feel like it's imminent.

With Faith, I went 10 days over my due date and had to be induced because she wasn't making any moves to vacate the premises on her own. I assume my uterus is just really comfortable, so this baby probably won't want to leave either. In my last pregnancy, I read all about signs of labor and what to do if X, Y, or Z happens and this time I'm just like "Eh, I'll notice real labor". I'm having periodic contractions, but nothing regular and my doctors don't check me at my appointments, so the current status of my cervix is a mystery to me. I know, you're shocked and saddened that you don't get to know about the state of my cervix, I feel your pain.

She feels your pain too

I haven't done stuff like "pack a hospital bag" partly because I think I'll have a scheduled induction in early November and partly because I think the whole idea is pretty stupid. You'll see people's "hospital bags" that look like they are going away for a week at a spa. If you're packing books to read, then that's probably a good sign you don't know what the fuck you're getting into. Don't even get me started on the people who order custom hospital gowns because the ones the hospital supplies are "not cute". You're about to expel a large living object through a very small hole, a process that will involve blood, sweat, tears and maybe poop...and you're worried about looking cute for pictures?

OMG, I'm so embarrassed of that fugly hospital gown

Also, hospitals have everything you need. Even if you forgot your toothbrush, as long as you aren't an asshole to the nurses, they will bring you one. The only thing that I want to bring is some snacks because the hospital serves dinner at 6pm on the dot and it's a long night to wait for breakfast. Even if I forget those, they do have a vending machine and I'm pretty sure Sun Chips are just as filling as organic date bars or whatever gluten free shit other people pack. So if I go into labor suddenly, I'll be the person with all their shit shoved in a plastic Target bag and the total contents will just be chips, gummi worms, and an outfit for the baby to go home in.

We have everything important done like finally getting the nursery done and picking a name and for anything else that I forgot, there is Amazon's 2 day shipping (I love Prime so much).

Since my own preparations are boring, here's a few thing you as blog readers should be preparing for:

1. An extremely graphic birth story.

I'm just kidding. I don't plan on giving you all a blow by blow of every step of labor, unless it's funny. Then all bets are off.

2. Serious hypocrisy on the name choice. Yeah, buckle your seat belts and prepare to deal with it.

This may result

3. A very orange baby. You know how you normally see adorable newborn pictures immediately after someone has a baby? Don't expect that. Go ahead and brace yourselves for a very orange jaundiced baby with battle scars from delivery. When Faith was born, she looked like she had been in a prize fight (swollen face and red marks all over her face and body) from hours pushing and then the next day she turned orange.

Orange and angry

Whatever caused Faith's jaundice will likely occur again with this baby (we are using the same recipe) so I'm mentally prepared for an orange baby that will need several days of bili-light treatment. I'm just hoping that this time we can get a rental for home instead of having to stay at the hospital!


4. An irregular blogging schedule. I post on a pretty regularly schedule now, but I'd be really surprised if that didn't change. I'm not planning on stopping this blog, mostly because it's how I remember things later and it's basically a baby book for Faith (and will be for the new one too). Plus, if I stop blogging then my husband will have to hear all my rants and he'd prefer if I just type it out.


5. Limited running talk until probably mid-December. I won't be running for at least 6 weeks after I have the baby, so you're going to be stuck with more posts about stuff other than running. Luckily I've tricked you all into getting used to that over the course of this pregnancy. I know it's boring and trust me, I can't wait to start endlessly talking about running again either.

Try to stay awake

That's pretty much all I can think of, unless you have a burning question you'd like me to answer. You know I love burning questions.


As a side note, one of my running club friends just started blogging and her story of beating breast cancer (among other things) and turning into a badass ultra runner who still has the pep and energy to cartwheel across the finish line (yes, really) is pretty inspiring. Check it out and welcome her to the blogging world!