Opinionated babies and evil dogs

When Faith was a baby, I don't remember ever thinking "Golly, this is so easy and simple", but now that I have two it feels like a break to just have one to worry about. I'm lucky that Faith goes to a Mother's Day Out program (like pre-preschool for 2 year olds) two days a week so I can spend some time focusing on just Cordelia. When I'm alone with both of them, I feel like I'm never giving either of them my full attention. I have some guilt about that, but I figure that's all part of the process of having more than one kid.

The more time I'm able to spend with just Cordelia, the more I realize she is a hilarious little baby.

Hey, you're not going to trash talk me are you?

Some people think really young babies don't have personalities yet and are more like "baby lumps" but I don't agree with that. I know that Faith's personality was evident from the beginning, so I feel safe in assuming that many of Cordelia's quirks will stick around.

She hates baths. I don't know if it's the water part or the soap, but she starts screaming as soon as she sees the fun jungle themed tub. She's been like this since the first bath and she's not quiet about her displeasure. If I was bathing her in battery acid, then her reaction would be appropriate.

This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life

She will sit quietly for long periods of time, as long as she's right in the middle of the action. This is why you see so many pictures of her in the Bumbo on the table (don't worry, I don't let her stay there unless I'm sitting with her). It's the best way for me to be able to eat. She stares at me the whole time like she's thinking "Is she going to eat that whole thing?"

Yep, she ate it all.

She hates clothing. She's a little nudist at heart and should have been a summer baby. If she's fussing, she will forget about it if you strip her down and release her fat little limbs.

I need to air out my rolls

She has really mixed emotions about baby toys. I don't know if she wants to play with this Whoozit or fight it.

I will cut you.

Again, she's only happy if her legs are free. It's a good thing the play area has a fireplace so she can still stay warm.

This isn't a personality thing, but I find it so adorable I have to include it: She has hairy ears. I know most babies have this, but I like to call them her "Wolfman ears" and laugh.

I bet she's Team Jacob too

Faith had the same thing and it does go away...around the same time she lost all of her hair. Cordelia's hair is starting to fall out too. I've been hiding it with a hat.

I feel ridiculous 

Once Faith gets home from "school", it's usually baby nap time and she and I can spend some time together. That time seems to involve a lot of whining and generalized anger. She also comes home everyday and immediately demands lunch even though she ate the lunch I packed and sent with her. I guess she gets extra hungry from school?

You're one to talk

The only thing that is still getting left out is the poor dog. I feel bad for her, but then she acts like she takes direct orders from Satan and I feel less like I want to spend quality time with her. It's really her habit of eating her own still steaming poop that makes me not want to cuddle with her. 

I like it hot.

Today was a prime example of Peanut listening to that little devil on her shoulder. She was passed out on the couch when I left to take Faith to school for the day, so I figured she could handle staying out of trouble for the 20 whole minutes I'd be gone.

Nope.

I am both disappointed and impressed with her

She managed to get the jar down, chew off the tightly screwed on cap, and eat half of that jar all before I came home. I guess that serves me right for using a plebeian peanut butter like Jif instead of a fancy nut butter that require refrigeration. Every time I see the phrase "Nut Butter" I feel like it should be some porn spoof on the Paula Deen cooking show, but that could be just me.

What would be other funny Food Network spoof porn titles? I'm thinking of things like Diners, Drive-in, and Dicks. Come on, I know you all are funnier than me if you rise to this challenge (haha get it?). The important thing is that I amuse myself.