#rage

For the most part, I love social media. I check Facebook and Twitter all day and post fairly often. I probably post things that irritate other people, like endless baby pictures, but I'd rather see baby pictures than some of the other popular trends on social media.

In no particular order, here are some of the social media things that make me feel rage inside.

#zombiemom

Sample use: Up all night with my offspring that I choose to have. Too tired to shower or brush my teeth and I need 14 cups of coffee now. #zombiemom

We get it. You're tired and you're a mom. You know who else is tired? EVERYONE. I have yet to meet a gainfully employed adult who doesn't wish they got more sleep.

I'm all for the occasional 3am tweet about how the baby just won't just go to sleep already, but I refuse to use that hashtag.

I knew I should have had a sloth instead

The last time I checked, zombies don't get tired so the whole thing is flawed. If there was a movie titled "Dawn of the Easily Exhausted Dead", would you be scared? No, that would be the lamest movie ever.


#motherrunner

Sample: Ran 2 miles, so tired #motherrunner

I really don't get this hashtag at all. In theory, I should be all for it because I'm a mom and hey, I like to run. Yet this is how I feel about the whole "mother runner" thing on social media:

There some aspects of being a "mother runner" that amuse me, especially when I see things like "You know you're a mother runner when...you steal sips of water from your kid's sippy cup when you run out of your own." because I've done that (don't judge me, I needed it more than her).

Most of it just seems like women patting themselves on the back for getting out there and doing a hobby that everyone has to work around their existing lives. Mothers aren't the only ones who have to get up early to run, or squeeze runs in between other commitments. No one ever talks about father runners, but isn't that basically the same thing?

So what if someone teaches 3rd grade all day, tutors after school, works part at a running store, goes to grad school AND runs 50+ miles a week? What hashtag do they get to use? #badass or #inhuman are my votes. But wait, if they don't have any kids, no hashtag for them!

My point is that I don't think being a "mother runner" makes me any different or more special than other runners.

Moving on from twitter hashtags, I've noticed a trend in using blogs and Facebook as a platform for self-congratulatory posts about engaging in charitable acts. If you spent all day working in an inner city soup kitchen and you have some sort of Ghandi-ish insight into life now, by all means share it, but the ones that make me shake my head are what I've coined #firstworldcharity.

A prime example of #firstworldcharity is paying for the car behind you at the Starbucks drive-thru and then posting on Facebook "I did something so special for a stranger today. Charity rocks!". At what point did buying an overpriced latte for the Lexus behind you start counting as charity?

Paying for someone else's food order isn't charity, unless they can't afford it...but then why would they be in line at a Starbucks? Sure, it's a nice thing to do and social media LOVES "pay it forward" bullshit, but chances are that it ends with you buying that drink and doesn't create the ripple effect you're envisioning. If you want to be charitable (and have a brag post about it on your blog or Facebook), try actually getting out of your car and giving your time and/or money to something more worthwhile. Or don't, but then you'll need to find something else to put on your Facebook page.

Speaking of Facebook pages, my other irritant are those "Thankful" posts that are really just humble bragging.

Sample: "Today I am so thankful that my amazing husband bought me this beautiful necklace to represent our three wonderful children. I love our life so much."

Fact: the more you profess to love your life on social media, the more convinced I become that you're a secretly an angry drunk who has one-sided arguments with Alec Trebek as you watch Jeopordy after having a miserable day.

The last thing I'm going to discuss are the people (moms primarily) who go on social media and tell baldfaced lies about their children's developmental levels. Listen, I get it. I think my kids are smarter and better looking than your kids, but I don't think by asserting that my 10 month old knows 45 words that she's going to get into Harvard on early early admission. I remember reading a blog of a woman who had a kid a few months behind Faith and she would always go on and on about her kid's language development and I actually felt bad about how little my kid was talking in comparison. Then she posted a video one day and while I was watching it, I was like "That sounds exactly like my kid's nonsense babbling. What is she smoking that she hears coherent thoughts in that?".

The only people who even know what is "early" or "advanced" for an age are parents of similar aged kids, so you have a really limited audience for your bragging anyway. You're probably better off just sticking with posting lots of cute baby pictures.


What social media trends or hashtags drive you nuts? I know I completely left out #fitfluential, but if you follow me on Twitter, you are probably more than aware of my true feelings on that hashtag.

I ran 18 miles today and then I had a fucking salad for dinner #fitfluential #proof #getafterit

Oh, if you're wondering if I'm talking about anyone specifically in this post or wondering if it's actually you that I'm talking about, you're probably right.