Can we all just admit that these kind of 5K races have jumped the shark?
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| That shark is also running a Drenched 5K |
While I understand that these kind of theme events encourage a lot of non-runners to try a 5K, it still seems silly to me to have so many "races" that focus on everything BUT running. There are obstacle 5Ks that are more of photo opportunities for Facebook profile pictures and untimed 5Ks that culminate with colorful powder getting tossed on the runners, but there still seems to be room in the market for new, even stupider ways to run 3 miles.
I started thinking about kitschy races that I'd actually want to run, and I've come up with a few options:
Dodgeball 5K
I remember dodgeball days in elementary school PE: the dread of getting picked last for the teams and the strong desire to hide behind other classmates to avoid the sting of that rubber ball. Well, running a 5K is all about pain so it seems logical to combine it with dodgeball, right?
In my vision, the runners run the 5K for free and the spectators pay a "per ball" fee for the chance to nail a runner right in the face as they sprint by. It would be a perfect event for the whole family! Haven't you been frustrated by a road closure for some race or been behind someone with obnoxious race stickers on their car and just WISHED you could peg a rubber ball at a smug runner?
The bonus for the runners would be a real incentive to complete the race quickly. I do anticipate a lot of complaints about the course being long from runners taking evasive maneuvers from the dodgeballs, but I bet the adrenaline would still help them PR. Really, it's a win win for everyone.
Hunger Games 50K
So far, ultra marathons have avoided having "themes" like 5Ks, but I really think this could catch on. I'm envisioning a 50K combined with paintball (to avoid or reduce actual bloodshed). Ultra marathons are known for being a community of supportive runners, and everyone always encourages each other and will stop and help a runner in need. I say we ditch that for a race and pretend we're in the arena and chase each other around the woods with paintball guns for 31 miles. The winner would have to not only complete the distance but also be the last person not eliminated.
A fun addition would be not allowing anyone to carry fluids or fuel and keeping all supplies in a "Cornucopia" of sorts at a set location, to encourage more fighting and force people to try to live off the land. I know, you're already wondering where to sign up for this race.
I just can't decide if it would be more fun to have everyone fend for themselves or divide the field into two teams and watch the carnage ensue.
Distance Surprise Race
This event would be perfect for the sadistic Race Director: runners have NO idea how long the race will be and the finish line is a surprise!
I've done a race with a surprise finish line and think this could be a fun way to spice up mid distance racing. Ending a half marathon at 13.1 miles every time? Lame. I would love to see the racers' faces every time they reached a mile marker and still didn't see the finish line.
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| OMG how will I pace myself?? |
I would think the race shirts would have a blank spot for the distance and people could fill it in with a Sharpie later. This would be a really classy event.
There are so many other options for races out there, like the one where you have to run half the distance, then eat a dozen donuts and then run back or running through a graveyard at night in the fall. I'm pretty sure I could win an award at the donut eating race since I have a stomach of steel, but something feels really wrong about combining binge eating and fitness...but that could be just a hang up I have. I do know that I'd fail horribly at those races that involve drinking a beer every mile. I am such a lightweight that I'd probably be sitting on the curb by mile 2 just yelling obscenities at the passing motorists.
Would you run any of my races?
What's your idea for a theme race?
But Kara, none of these options involve being smacked with colored dust over and over again and not being timed! I feel so jipped.
ReplyDeleteStop being racist to Gypsies.
DeleteI say combine them all. For 31 miles, you get shot in the face with a shotgun full of colored powder.
ReplyDeleteI like the dodgeball idea. Kinda like the water squirting thing at Disney (or Sea World) where you pay the quarters into the machine and then hit the button at the right time to drench all the riders on the water ride. Love that!
ReplyDeleteclearly you're not aware of the krispy kreme challenge: http://www.krispykremechallenge.com
ReplyDeleteMy stomach is churning just thinking about that "race".
DeleteWhat about more realistic races? I would definitely do the Law and Order: SVU sex offender 10k - where the course is lined with people exposing themselves and yelling things about how much your ass is shaking. I would feel right at home. Also, I found part of a finger on my way home from the store yesterday.
ReplyDeleteOr a giant maze race! Where you can get 2 or 3 miles into a maze and realize that it's a dead end and have to backtrack!
Part of a finger?? WTF??
DeleteWow. Someone who has scarier ideas than Kara....
DeleteA giant maze race would be awesome. But you'd need paintball snipers perched up high to randomly shoot at the runners...
DeleteAs long as they are timed, I am game, I hate untimed runs, what is the point..makes me crazy.
ReplyDeleteToo funny! As running becomes more and more the preferred "yuppie" sport, there seems to be a lot more of these (Warrior dash, zombie run - to name a few my non running friends have done). I guess it's good and bad, but annoying to the true bad asses in the sport like yourself!
ReplyDeleteIt's not annoying as much as "Man, that's silly" :)
DeleteThe weird "Races" don't bother me, because the people who tend to do them wouldn't run any other way, so I consider it a gateway drug. Maybe they'll like it and take up running for real?
ReplyDeleteNow I just had an idea for a Marijuana Theme 5K...
DeleteI'm really liking the Dodgeball idea. I mean, we can throw wrenches too, right?
ReplyDeleteThere is a Hot Pursuit race where I think dudes dress up like cops and chase you. I'm not completely sure about this. But I'd like to put my vote in for a Jump The Shark race. Everyone dresses like sharks (typo'ed that as shart...nooot the same thing) and they have to jump to the finish line.
Those would be amazing finish line photos, people would love that.
DeleteOmg I am dying laughing at the hunger games idea! And yet, I actually know someone who would go for that!
ReplyDeleteI feel like we all have that friend who would do something like that.
DeleteSo there is actually a survival 50k in Nicaragua? I think. There are undisclosed obstacles and you are encouraged to carry your own knife
ReplyDeleteThat sounds terrifying. I'd do it.
DeleteThe ones I don't get involve electric shocks. Why would I pay someone to make me crawl under a live-voltage mesh? I can scuff my feet at home and shock myself for free in this dry climate. Let's throw in some water-boarding and fingernail removal and call it the Torture Half-Marathon.
ReplyDeleteMaybe they could tell you some inane fact before the race (everyone gets a different one) and if you can get through the water boarding without telling, you get 2 minutes off your 5K time!
DeleteBarf to the Krispy Kreme Challenge! Ug.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though. One neat race that we did last year was a 4 mile race, no watches. You had to guess the time you would run up front, and the winner was whoever ran the closest time to what they guessed. It was pretty fun, but I was a total fail since it was a trail race and I apparently can't handle that.
I like the idea of a surprise distance race too.
I like any race that has the element of betting involved.
DeleteThis is conventionally called a Prediction run.
DeleteThis has been a crappy day at the start of a crappy week at work, so it was really nice to read this post and laugh out loud. I am all for the Dodgeball 5k.
ReplyDeleteWhat about giving runners paintball guns so we can shoot every slow idiot who lined up at the front of the pack, or who ignores other course/race etiquette? I'm all for that!
Just because it is a holiday race and you are wearing green doesn't mean you get to line up in front if you are running a 10 minute mile. I used to run 10 minute miles and I stuck to the very back - it's not that hard. Ok, done ranting now.
Paintball races are sounding better and better.
Delete"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!"
ReplyDeleteExactly! Hahaha
DeleteNot my idea but Brisbane is hosting the Budgie Bolt in a couple of weeks where people run the 5k in their budgie smugglers (swimmers). I won't be running it but I wouldn't mind spectating because I don't see enough budgies in this household of four men.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty decent at thinking up running costumes, but for this I can't come up with anything except for a Mario Kart themed race. Instead of spectators/volunteers giving out banana slices, you'd throw a banana and try and get a leader to slip. There would be oil slicks and and volunteers running around in red and green turtle costumes trying to "tag" you out. I do love the idea of the "obstacle" being not getting pegged by one of those tough playground balls used for dodgeball.
ReplyDeleteWhen you take over directing the trail races, I'm gonna want to be on staff, rather than a participant; I can see that now.
ReplyDeleteYou run a surprise distance ultra every year, don't pretend you don't love it.
Deletethis was hilarious! i did a surprise race once; they called it an adventure race. didn't know the course or anything. drove 45 minutes to the town it started in only to see we would be BIKING back to my hometown [!!] then running, then canoeing, THEN BIKING BACK [!] only to run about 13 more miles once we arrived back to the town it started in. now that is a fun race! foam fest 5K is blowing up advertising on my fb now. wt-heck.
ReplyDeleteFoam 5Ks? Like night club level foam? Oh man haha
DeleteThere are distance surprise races in Boston. My friend invited me up to run one a couple of weeks ago. Your ideas aren't original.
ReplyDeleteThis is brand new information.
DeleteAll those races like the color and water ones are silly to me. I'm sure I could be persuaded to do one if I did it with a group of people, but I would never bother with it on my own. I don't even think they are good for motivating people to run because I don't think most of the people doing them bother training. I would bet money that the dodgeball idea will actually become a race one day. Actually, I just googled it and there is something like that already - http://www.facebook.com/events/312262828892227/
ReplyDeleteI do think those ones where zombies chase you look kind of fun lol.
I googled it too and saw that, but it's super lame because they use soft sponges instead of hard rubber balls.
DeleteThere's not enough murder in the Hunger Games 50K. But I'm in for the Dodgeball 5K. I assume Ben Stiller will throw the opening ball?
ReplyDeleteI've run the Beer Belly Two in WI where you have to chug a beer every half mile. The kicker is that the race starts at 10am in the middle of July, so the beer isn't exactly ice cold. Still an awesome race!
ReplyDeleteI'm really torn between my love of The Hunger Games and my hatred of paintball. Apparently the "beer mile" is a huge thing and people attempt it and update youtube all the time. I've never seen it but I have friends who follow it religiously. My friend Matt also invented a 5 mile race where after every mile you either have an eating challenge OR a drinking challenge and he truly intends to do it.
ReplyDeleteI can't run any race that is not timed. How else would you know how many people you beat?! Not interested in foam/colored powder/donuts. I am doing a mud run in June with my husband because he said I "wouldn't like it, since you don't like getting dirty". Is that a challenge or what?
ReplyDeleteI want a Jeopardy 5K...answer questions correctly at various checkpoints. I just want that one so I can win some cookies at the end or something. This is a very self-centered dream.
ReplyDeleteThose are definitely some interesting ideas for a race. I really like the idea of running one that you don't know the distance for. I'm crazy/stupid enough to sign up for something like that! Now the paintball, Allan would be all over. He wants to take me to go play and I'm not sure what it says about us when Allan has a strong desire to want to shoot me.
ReplyDeleteI agree, the theme races have gotten completely ridiculous. I love the Distance Surprise Race idea. Sign me up!
ReplyDeleteHaa! I might do one like the surprise finish! I never study a course before hand anyway and have made some wrong turns during a triathlon... and with the dodgeball one if we catch it would we get to throw it back & if we hit them they have to start running?!
ReplyDeleteDodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation.
ReplyDeleteHere at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
I'm done now.
We have a local race here where you draw three cards from a deck at the start and have to run that distance in miles, but the first one done still wins. I think they only include cards up to 7, but still...that race could be three miles or 21. Big difference!
ReplyDeleteThe Hunger Games 50K idea is absolutely hilarious. I would totally run the surprise distance race! I'm sure I'd be pissed after 6 miles and not knowing when I was going to stop, but my only pace is "Go", so I wouldn't have much to worry about besides finding food and water! (And hopefully beer at the finish.)
ReplyDeleteI would run ALL of those races. Actually a Hunger Games 50K is the ONLY way I would ever run an ultra.
ReplyDeleteI'm always torn between "yay, great, people are running" and "these races are some corny shit."
ReplyDeleteI live in that limbo too sometimes, especially when the 5Ks involve foam.
DeleteI refused to run a "colorful" 5K with my friend recently. She was offended. I'm offended they don't time it.
ReplyDeletealso, now there's this: http://www.neonsplashdash.com/
It's night time! It's colorful! Neon jizz. Ugh.
"Neon jizz" just killed me hahahaha, well done!
DeleteI would pay to get dodgeballs to throw at my husband while he was running. I guess I would have to practice on my aim.
ReplyDeleteI think I love your blog even more because people ask me about these races and imply that I should run them ALL.THE.TIME. Um, hello, if I train for a race and put in the effort to run, the last thing I need is some corn starch up in my grill slowing me down. NO THANK YOU.
ReplyDeleteThe worst part is, these races are very expensive! Why do I need to pay $200 for you to electrocute me? That does not sound fun! Why $90 for 3.1 miles of a costume race? I also have two kiddos so I pride myself on getting the most bang for my buck out of a race. No way I'm paying $75 for a color run.
I think Alyssa already ran a distance surprise race...the 50 miler with several bonus miles tacked on? I have no interest in mud runs, color runs, zombie runs, etc. I am ok getting sweaty. I like real trails. But I do not want to be covered in colored dust or be required to crawl through mud.
ReplyDeletehahaha! I love it! I am so not a gimicky 5K person. Ok. I'm not a 5K person, but these would be fun to spectate!
ReplyDeleteYes to all of them. Can we pay extra to use wrenches instead of balls? Sorry, couldn't help making the movie reference.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I freaking can't with the themed 5Ks. The color runs are especially obnoxious to me. Maybe I am just too fastidious to be smothered in colored dust in a race.
Hi from the UK! There is a Doughnut Run in Portsmouth, Hampshire. I think it's only 5k though and halfway through you eat an obscene amount of doughnuts before continuing on your merry way. Turns my stomach just thinking about it to be honest! I've done a race called the SOD (sussex obstacle dash) on a horse showground which was fantastic fun in a mixed teams of girls and boys. I enjoyed it immensely as it is SO different from all the other road racing I do when marathon training :)
ReplyDelete