Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Why? Because fuck me, that's why

So if you came here for an uplifting post that's going to make you feel like the world is a fantastic place, just leave now. If you're here for a tale of woe with GIFs, then you're going to be very satisfied.

First of all, the MRI last night. It's a non-invasive test and the only compliant you usually hear that the tube makes you feel claustrophobic. I knew going into the test that I would be uncomfortable laying on my back, in fact it is hands down the most uncomfortable position I can currently imagine. To prep for this, I took the strongest drugs I had (a narcotic and a Valium) and I felt good and loopy before the test began.

They had me lay back and put me in the tube to begin the test. As I was laying there, the pain was building. It felt like every muscle and tendon in my right leg was being ripped apart. I lasted about 5 minutes before I hit the button and asked if I could be in a different position. The tech (who was not exactly a shining example of patient care for the hospital) told me I could try a pillow under my legs and then asked "Is that better?" and I told her that it actually made it worse and asked her to take it away. Then she snidely told me if I interrupted the test again, they would bump me and I'd have to wait an hour to try again. If that wasn't heart-warming enough, then she forgot to turn off the intercom so I could hear her complaining about me when she went back in the booth. Yes, I am just faking all of this pain and my secret goal is just to make your job difficult. You caught me.





That MRI was the most painful experience I can remember and I came out soaked in sweat from the pain and there may have been crying. Good thing there isn't video.





After the MRI, it was like my pain medicine was out of my system because I wasn't loopy anymore and I could feel a ton of pain, but I couldn't take more pills so I just had to forgo that whole "sleeping" thing last night. At least that meant I didn't need an alarm to make my early morning appointment over at the orthopedic office. The PA I saw last week spent all of 10 minutes glancing at my scans and basically shrugged and was like "Yeah, you have a herniated disc."




She said one disc is herniated to the right side, which a monkey could have figured out without an MRI since I can't feel my right fucking leg, and that another disc is all dried out and degenerated. God forbid she explain what any of that means, because she obviously had somewhere more important to be and hurried me out of there like I had highly contagious gonorrhea and I was insisting on sitting naked on her chair.




She wants me to get epidural steroid injections into my spine, which *might* help. I can't think of anything more fun than a needle in my spine that might be completely worthless beyond checking a box. Oh wait, I can. She wants me to get THREE injections before I come back and each injection has to be two weeks apart. Oh, and that first injection? They can't fit me in for that until the 13th, which is nine days away. Since I've had no improvement in pain or sensation so far, it's a pretty safe bet to assume that this means I get to spend at least nine more days feeling this much pain. Unless the shot doesn't work, which in that case I'm just fucked because then I'll have even more painful waiting time.




The PA said that if I still have no improvement after the second shot, I should come back and see her. Actually, I think I'll insist on an appointment with an actual doctor, but I'll stick to that timeline for when to go back.

As far as running/working out goes, I still have no idea. The idiot PA said to do whatever my pain will allow me to do. Right now, standing up to cook dinner causes a spike in pain. Unless this spinal injection reduces my pain, I can't think of any physical activity that I could do that wouldn't be a pain-fest and likely result in even less sleep at nights from the pain. Once the pain gets out of control (like last night) it's really hard to bring it back down to manageable levels again where I can sit somewhat comfortably and have an appetite.

The PA also told me that the injection could reduce the pain, but not give me back sensation in my leg and they would still call that a success. Apparently the numbness and tingling can last for months. Awesome.


This cat is my spirit animal


So for now, I guess I'll just stick to my current activities of either being hungover and cranky, painful and cranky, or high and vaguely philosophical about life on earth.




Oh, and the million dollar question of "How did this happen?"

I got nothing beyond "Because fuck me, that's why." Sorry.


Anyone have any hobby suggestions for a broken person? I should probably do something beyond reading Reddit and excessively Instagramming my dog.

67 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I keep meditating that this stupid suggestion will go away, but it doesn't. So I guess meditation doesn't work.

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    2. I'm glad you know why this happened to my back when 3 doctors couldn't figure it out beyond blaming bad genetics and bad luck. I should have asked you first.

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    3. It's probably true. She looked it up on webmd.

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    4. You people are dicks. Even beyond the norm. Go ahead and alienate your readers when you run ads. That's appropriate. And frankly, you've abused your body like hell and your diet is terrible. No shit, Sherlock, you're injured.

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    5. Honestly, I think I alienate more readers when I live-cam footage of me rolling around naked in my monthly pile of 50 one dollar bills from all my ads.

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    6. I never comment, but I always read. You would only alienate me if you started posting about meditation. Make it rain with those 50 dollars

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    7. I also never comment but love your blog. Alana if you feel alienated by the post you really are deranged and far too sensitive.

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    8. Ooh and a cunt

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  2. I hope you'll write a complaint letter about the person who did your MRI. So unprofessional, and if I was overheard by a customer when I was working at a restaurant or something, my ass would be out the door.

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    1. THIS. For real now. In what line of work (other than 'reality TV personality') do people get away with this??? Not okay.

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  3. I can't even believe how upbeat that post sounded. Holy shit how you didn't murder the MRI tech is beyond me. I suggest a strongly worded letter.

    In the meantime--what can you do when you're in constant pain? I suggest audio books while laying in the bath or in a position that doesn't kill you. Something where you can close your eyes and get rest even if you're unable to sleep. And the valium. Go with the valium. I really hope there's someone nearby who can help with the day-to-day stuff to give you a break.

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  4. I still think a witchdoctor would really help.

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  5. Oh fuck. I am morally opposed to internet hugs but I'm sending you internet hugs anyway. And vodka.

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  6. I know you don't want to do crafts, but there's always that. ;-)

    My husband had the shots. They did help him a lot. Assuming it's similar for you, they gave him a shot of novocaine in his back first, to numb where they put in the big needle for the facet block. He said the novocaine was all that hurt, and then it was much better. Hope you can get the first one sooner than the 13th, and hope they help.

    I have a backless bar stool. If you'd like me to bring it over for you to borrow, I can. In case you want to try sitting at the kitchen counter to prep food for the kids, etc. It's just the right height, if you can get over sitting sideways so your knees aren't inside the kitchen cabinets.

    Someday when F has school, I can bring E over and take her and C out for a run in your neighborhood in your double stroller. Ok, that would be a walk with a double, but whatever. I can take C out for a little while to give you some time alone.

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    1. A facet block is actually a different procedure, but similar delivery method.

      That stool actually sounds really perfect. I was eyeing those canes at CVS that have the little built in stools. :)

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    2. Huh. Here I thought that all ruptured disks were the same, so all treatments were the same. I learn something new every day.

      Maybe E and I can bring the stool over this afternoon. I'll text you later. She's taking a huge nap now, then we have some errands to run on this side of the bridge when she gets up. She's been asleep for almost three hours, so there's no telling when she'll take her afternoon nap. It might have to be a forced nap in the car, haha. If you're gonna buy something, go big and get the walker with the built in stool. :-P

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    3. CANES RULE!!!!

      With or without built-in stools.

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  7. Ugh, that is THE WORST. THE WORST. The pain. The doctors. Everything - THE WORST. I'm VERY sorry.

    I had mono last year and watched two seasons of Sex and the City in two days and developed a crippling addition to Candy Crush. You could always take up cross stitching: http://www.etsy.com/listing/118334699/f-it-cross-stitch-pattern-mature?ref=market

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  8. Man, that is just awful. :( Wow, I feel really badly.

    And that MRI tech is ridiculous. How people like that have jobs in the healthcare industry is beyond me.

    I don't have many hobby suggestions other than reading (which you already do), and watching Alf reruns. :)

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  9. So I know you don't want to talk about alternative medicine, but I did want to tell you that we see this a LOT at my yoga studio. More and more people are coming in post-therapy for herniated discs. Hopefully I can make you feel a little better by reassuring you that the more people who have this, the better the treatment is. At least you aren't a guinea pig or something - just find the right doctor who deals with herniated discs all day long and go to that doctor. It will suck for you, yes, but it will get taken care of. I don't know what else to say. I'm really sorry. I hate reading about healthy people who have to deal with shit. You don't deserve it.

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    1. Yoga may be one of the first activities that I can do in my recovery, so it makes sense that you'd see a good portion of broken back people at your studio :)

      I live in the middle of nowhere, and I also have military healthcare so I can't just shop around for a specialist...easily. It would take time and further delay my treatment. I may end up doing that, but for now I'm going to stay the course or the terrorists will win.

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  10. delurking to comment for the first time ever. Back injuries are seriously the worst - I'm so sorry. I just wanted to aks if you'd considered switching doctors if you don't think you're getting good care and if you have the flexibility with your insurance. I have back issues (basically one of my vertebrae is cracked and will never heal, fun times) and after a few incredibly frustrating appointments I switched to an orthopedic practice that specializes in sports injuries - they actually work with the redskins. HUGE difference. They actually, you know, examined me and cared about getting me up and moving again.
    Anyways, I'm not much

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  11. commenting fail. What I was going to say was that I'm no help for what to do while you're injured - I tend to lurk on GOMI and re-watch west wing episodes while whining to my husband

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  12. Did you see a chiropractor? I try to catch up with your blog like once a week so I miss posts sometimes! Is that real medicine or alternative medicine?

    I hope the shots help with the pain and that you get this all sorted!

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  13. Oh, wow. So sorry! I hope you're able to get out of pain sooner rather than later!

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    1. Oh, and I forgot I was going to suggest Netflix watching as a hobby. I can't remember if you've mentioned having Netflix before or not. The movie selection isn't great (you usually have to get DVDs versus instant play), but they usually have all seasons of TV shows available on instant play, making binge watching very easy!

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    2. Also, Amazon Prime's selection for tv and movies is a billionty times better now than when we first got Prime 3ish years ago.

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  14. Holy shit... I have nothing empowering or positive or happy to say. This just sucks and I'm so sorry. All the doctor stuff is terrible, the MRI sounded terrible and I don't know how you're getting through life and keeping two kids alive while being in so much pain. So here's something empowering: I'm impressed. And you're still really funny, so that's nice for the rest of us.

    Seriously, hoping this all turns around fast for you so you can get your life back. Chronic pain is the worst. Also doctors, technicians, etc., who lack compassion. Punch them in the face.

    Thinking of you and hoping for only good things.

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  15. Wow... I'm really sorry. That is seriously awful.

    Hopefully they can find something that works for you. And that the MRI Tech gets canned, because what an asshole.

    On the plus side, at least you don't have to drink your own urine to survive a race. So you've got that going for you. :)

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  16. And also, maybe you should consider investing in one of those over-the-door swings that are for *cough* romantic endeavors? Rumor has it anti gravity stuff helps with the pain. Or maybe I just made that up, but YOU NEVER KNOW.

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  17. Kara, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this kind of pain. My husband went through the same thing 5 years ago and it was awful. He had to jump through a bunch of hoops before insurance would approve his MRI which included epidural steroid injections and physical therapy. The physical therapy was absolutely no help and seemed to make things worse. He had two injections, the first reduced his pain somewhat and eventually wore off. The second made no difference. He finally got his MRI and it showed a herniated disc between L4 and L5. His doctor then recommended that he see a Neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon ended up recommending and then performing a laminectomy and my husband came out of that surgery a different person. It wasn't until he was pain-free that I realized how even though he'd been trying to work through the pain it had really changed him. Basically I didn't realize what a dick he'd been until he wasn't a dick anymore. We still joke about it but it was really not a fun time. The surgery was an outpatient procedure (the neurosurgeon actually worked him into his schedule and did the surgery on Christmas Eve, bless that man) and his recovery was not difficult. He went off to OCS for the National Guard about 6 months after the surgery and had no issues with any of the physical requirements. There are are things the doctor told him to avoid, things that would compress his spine - jumping off a high wall, lifting heavy weights over his head, etc. but other than that he has no physical limitations (including running). I know you're dealing with military insurance but if you have the option to see someone in neurology who specializes in spinal issues it might give you some other options to consider. I'm certainly not recommending you have surgery, just sharing this experience with you in case it's helpful.

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    1. I'm seeing an actual orthopedic doctor on Friday and he also tells me to wait and see, I'll be asking him for a referral to a neurosurgeon.

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    2. I thought of something else which may or may not help. One thing that did give temporary pain relief was for my husband to lie face down on the floor with a few pillows under his hips to basically elevate his butt (funny position but I think he would have stood on his head if it would have reduced the pain). This position helped take the pressure off of the disc. Good luck, I'm hoping that you get some answers soon.

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  18. I know you're not artsy-fartsy, but: knitting.
    I wouldve talked back through the intercom to let her know I heard. Or maybe just waited until she was done bitching so she would feel worse about it. MRIs are creepy, even when you know you're not far in and can still reach out, it still feels weird and I'm not claustrophobic.

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  19. Hi Kara,

    Sorry to hear you're in such pain, it really sucks. I went through it with herniated disks in my neck, which meant severe pain in my upper back and numbness all down my arm. The pain was excruciating and meant I couldn't sleep so I know what you're talking about. I certainly couldn't think about crafts or hobbies while it hurt so much.

    I have to say the combination of western and alternative medicine is what worked for me. It took a dose of steroids (by mouth) which reduced the inflammation combined with acupuncture once a week and medical therapy massage (both of those to increase the flow of blood). The critical pain stopped in about 10 days but the numbness took forever. After the crisis I kept up with acupuncture and bi weekly massage and pilates to keep it in check...

    Maybe they can prescribe steroids at least to start the process while you wait for the epidural steroid?? And seriously, consider finding some form of alternative therapy that'll help with blood flow to get you out of crisis mode.

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    1. I've already completed an oral steroid regimen. Also, I'm not having any touch me with massage hands or whatever. Maybe after the pain is reduced, but not now.

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    2. If not massage hands, how about needle hands?

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    3. I'm holding out for Edward Scissorhands

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  20. oh that really bites! sorry you are having to deal with this.

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  21. Jeezus I'm so sorry you're in such pain! The bitch who did your MRI NEEDS to be written up. People needing these procedures are not cattle and sure there are lines of people waiting for them, but there is NO excuse for treating you that way - it is not a nail salon! I don't care if you were snapping at her or not. You are obviously in dire straights and a little compassion goes a long way when you are at the mercy of medical professionals.

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  22. I have no experience with back injuries but I do have experience with an injury that wiped out my ability to run. The only advice I can offer is that to not let anyone convince you that you are supposed to be upbeat all the time about such an unpleasant reality. It is terrible and there is just no point in denying that.

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  23. Craptastic. Totally, this sucks. I think the gif of Becky's bitch face was the most effective at emoting the full level of fuckery going on here.

    I have no suggestions for alternative medicine recs (all the previous comments reeeeeeally covered all your options) other than snake venom. That's what my stepmom takes when her various figmentary diseases act up, and it really seems to help--so it must work for real, ACTUAL pain too, right? Right?

    I would suggest learn how to crochet (it's the toddler safe version of knitting: no pointy sticks!), but I think we all know that Peanut would just eat your yarn. And then throw it up.

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  24. Ugh. I'm sorry your dealing with this and that all the medical 'professionals' involved are't making it any easier. :( I hope you get some real answers soon.

    When I hurt my hip (which isn't nearly as bad as what you are dealing with) and I couldn't run or do ANYTHING for a couple months I was beside myself. Nothing anyone said made me feel better and I pretty much wanted to slap everyone who tried to give me advice.

    So no advice or anecdotes from me....except maybe booze. Lots of booze.

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    1. you're not your...and aren't not are't.....damnit. So much booze so early in the day...

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  26. So sorry to read this Kara.

    Sounds like you are already doing what I would have suggested, which is get a different doctor. Not necessarily for a second opinion (but for that too), but for better bedside manner and explanations and compassion. This injury already sucks - physically and emotionally. For you to be angered and belittled by the medical professional who is supposed to be helping you and on your side is completely unacceptable. There isn't time to deal with idiots like that.

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  27. OMG you're such a CRYBABY!

    But I've been there with the herniated disk and a bulging disk so I get it. Please don't diss the epidural steroid injection route. I was slated for the series of three but things were so much improved after the second one that we just went with that. I think Susan (Nurse on the Run) also had these. My disk issues were totally resolved in a couple of years. Meaning they no longer appeared problematic in diagnostic imaging AND I had no mobility/pain issues at a follow-up two years later. The pain was dramatically reduced almost immediately following the first injection.

    What do you want, Kara? My guess is to not be in pain and to be able to run again. And for this shit to NOT happen again. There are a few ways to get what you want, but it will mean that you might (probably will) need to make some changes. You've spent a fair amount of time in the world of endurance. This is just another exercise in that realm. You can do this. Email me if you need more #INSPIRATION!

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    1. I'm not trying to diss the shots, it's more that I'm terrified to get them and I wish there was a guarantee it wasn't for nothing. I had a really bad epidural experience with Cordelia and I may need to be sedated for this shot thing lol

      I would LOVE my disc issues to resolve on their own. I will admit that I'm concerned that the PA didn't spend enough time looking at my MRI images and I'm worried that she missed something. I spoke to her last week about how this all started with intense hip/butt pain and the potential for a stress fracture in that region (combined with the disc issue) but today it was like she had no memory of that conversation. I'll just feel better after a doctor looks at the MRI images on Friday and even if he says the same thing as the PA, I'll probably believe him more because you know, extra school and years of experience. He's also a sports medicine doctor, so he had to understand that I need PT or SOMETHING. The PA said PT would be a waste of my time and would do nothing to reduce my pain or give me back sensation. That doesn't sound right to me because don't I need PT to figure how to NEVER DO THIS AGAIN??

      I decided in that MRI tube last night that the pain we think we "push through" in running is bullshit. It's all a lie we tell ourselves because we don't know real pain.

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    2. True about the pain thing, but it does train us to deal better with REAL pain. You have to know I get it. Look at me...about to get part of my leg sawed OFF. And I could die on the operating table. There could be complications and I could lose my leg. AND I could still wind up in a wheelchair even if the surgery is a blazing success. I get it. But speaking from the experience of dealing with the herniated and bulging disks and being a serious athlete, chances are HUGE that you're going to be okay (and so am i). I have a real needle issue and the shots were worth it. I had this done before I had babies and it freaked me on getting epidurals which I did anyway. I totally totally get it. As for PT...following the car accident that caused the disk issues, the doc kept saying it was muscular only and just do PT and keep training as soon as I felt up to it. The disks went undiagnosed for 18 months until my leg went totally numb during a workout and I had to just stop. They had to carry me out of the boat. So PT and strength training aren't going to solve the prob of the herniated disk. The options are, if I remember correctly: 1) complete bedrest – which isn't going to happen because you have little kids and an active life 2) surgery – which may or may not work and may or may not limit your activities post-op and 3) epidural steroid injections – which are scary needles but so much less invasive than surgery and usually help a lot. The PT will be great for helping it NEVER happen again. But you'll also need to make some modifications to your lifestyle...like keep on doing the PT exercises always. Feel free to email me. You need to do whatever feels right to you, for sure. I definitely wish you the best with all of it :)

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    3. I know you totally get it, even more since you've been waiting forever to figure out what is wrong and now you're waiting for the surgery. All this waiting waiting waiting while in pain is an even better version of Hell that Satre imagined in No Exit.

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    4. Does sound like Hell for both of you. Here is my non-advice. Neither the PT nor the Ortho MD interpret the images, a radiologist does that. They are MDs who go through extra special training to look for anything that might be missed. Get a copy of your report and you'll see exactly what the radiologist saw. Then you can google all of it (not webmd, find medical journals, etc) and see what it means and what treatment options are available and may have been proven effective. You can talk about that with the doctor on Friday.

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  28. I am really sorry that this is happening to you...I can't imagine your frustration with the professionals you have had to deal with as well as not being able to run. Definitely complain about that MRI tech-I work in a hospital and most are all about "customer service" right now; they will not be pleased. I am a very irritable person and I would never dream of speaking to a patient like that, especially one who was obviously in serious pain.

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  29. If you are looking for a hobby, I suggest day-drinking. You haven't lived until you washed a few valiums down with a bit of kettle one. Seriously though, sorry this is happening to you, back issues are a bitch.

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  30. This is the worst. I feel so terrible for you. That MRI lady sounds like a total bitch. I second day drinking. That's the only thing I can think of that might help. Also lots of chocolate.

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  31. I'm completely sedentary by choice and can suggest many activities that can be completed mostly from your sofa. I'm learning astrology right now so I can freak out strangers who insist on making small talk with me. You could also get really into alternative medicine, which could have a similar effect. You could try your hand at canine dressage (or invent it). You could become a pageant mom. Based on what I've garnered about them from TLC it would be a fantastic opportunity to focus you competitive spirit and dress you kids up like a prom queen from 1987. Let me know if you need some more suggestions!

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  32. Would you like me to ask my husband what he recommends for a herniated disc? He seems to have a vast medical knowledge. Every time I mention something is ailing me his reply is, "I know what would help that."

    P.S. It never helps.

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  33. I do agree with your request to see an MD rather than a PA. However, I don't think your PA is an idiot. She actually sounds like she's doing a good job as far as her training goes. The problem is that your condition probably requires more training than a PA has. I would contact the imaging center for a copy of your MRI report (not the MRI, the interpretation from the radiologist) and, armed with that, see an orthopedist who specializes in the spine. And I would recommend the steroids. I'm not a proponent of steroids, but in some instances they are the best and fastest solution. Because of the compression inherent in spinal anatomy, this is one of those instances. A cold pack just isn't going to do the trick here.
    Get in touch with me if you have any pharmacy-related questions and heal soon.
    - Your friendly neighborhood pharmacist

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  34. Pain is the worst thing to see doctors about. I have a chronic pain condition and I'm super lucky that my GP does empathy well. Out of the dozens of physiotherapists, pain specialists, rheumatologists, and, yes, alternative medicine practitioners, only my GP has ever treated me like my pain is real and causing me actual suffering. I don't understand how even specialists, who deal with patients who wouldn't be paying hundreds of dollars per visit if they weren't in agony, think "just go about your daily routine" is appropriate advice.

    The best response I've ever had to my pain was back when it first started and no-one had any idea what was wrong with me. It was putting a lot of stress on my work, not to mention my then brand-new marriage and I went into a session with a psychologist, spilled out everything that was going on and she said "well, that all just sounds pretty shit". When life is really awful, don't let anyone tell you that staying optimistic is going to help. It's not going to hurt, but it's also okay to just have a cry and let everything be crap for a while.

    Oh, and when I am in the middle of a bad pain flare-up I'm a Lost and/or The West Wing marathon kind of girl.

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  35. I second whoever suggested day-drinking as a new hobby. Bored and in pain is about the worst combination I can think of - hoping you feel well soon, and that your MRI tech comes down with a scorching case of herpes.

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  36. Not to make your injury about me, but I just signed up for Frozen Heart yesterday and I am driving from Florida to do it because I'm creepy and wanted to meet one of my favorite bloggers. So I'm really hoping (for my sake, not yours) that your injection on the 13th works and you will be there. :)

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  37. well, fuck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. :-(
    I 3rd day drinking

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  38. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Pain like this is just the worst thing ever. I haven't experienced it to your level of severity, but last year I was dealing with a ton of upper back/lower neck pain. I couldn't move. Driving was nearly impossible because I had to move my whole body to look. Just simply turning my head was not an option.

    I started at my GP and ended up with a cortisone injection to my spine, too. It did nothing but hurt like a mofo going in. I happened to be a party with a spine surgeon a couple weeks later and he was horrified by that treatment and said it rarely works and it's sort of an old-school response to "pain" issues. But he was mostly referencing my pain issues, which were not bulging discs.

    I know this is apples and oranges and I know you're doing a ton of research, but keep your options open. I've always been anti-chiropractor and still generally am, but that's what finally helped me turn the corner. I don't think it was the adjustments, it was the combination of sports massage and heat blanket therapy on the area, both of which my insurance covered when it wouldn't cover what I really wanted, acupuncture.

    The chiropractor also did x-rays (not an MRI, though) and claimed I have significant arthritis in my C4 and C5. So, all of the massage and heat therapy helped to calm down the angry nerves around that spot and (KNOCKING ON WOOD) I haven't had the pain or been back since about mid-October. You never know what's going to make it go away.

    In my case, nothing traumatic necessarily triggered it. It was just the way I apparently slept one night.

    Anyway, I know you're sick of other people's woe is me stories. I just hope they help you see that things WILL get better. If not, I look forward to your career as an angry sedentary blogger. Also, all of this talk is going to make your pageviews skyrocket. I get so many hits a month for "Jeremy Renner's bulge." I have no idea why and don't think I ever typed that phrase before now, but apparently bulging is a BIG-TIME search tool. Enjoy!

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  39. My brother had 4 or 5 slipped discs and had to crawl if he wanted to go to the bathroom. He's had a bunch of surgeries too and is still a mess. So not working out sounds like a good plan. I can't imagine that working out wouldn't make things worse, so I'm surprised the doc told you that you could work out if there was no pain.

    Maybe you can get one of those grips that work out your forearms and just get gigantic forearms in the meantime.

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