Wednesday, May 28, 2014

How to Look like an Idiot: Step 74

You'd think by now, I would be used to my kids making me look like a liar or an idiot, or both. For the past few days, the baby has been running a fever and today she woke up with no appetite and a fever of 102. As soon as the doctor's office opened, I called and made her an appointment. After Faith finished her morning speech and occupational therapy, she told me that she felt sick and she was also running a fever, so I took both them up the doctor during what should have been nap time.


We call her Baby Long Legs for a reason


Neither one ate lunch and they were moaning like extras from The Walking Dead the whole hour long drive up to the doctor's office. By the time we got into the office and into the exam room, they were both running around and laughing and neither one had a fever. 





Obviously I'm glad my kids aren't sick, but seriously? I sounded like an insane person when I was insisting that they were both ill just hours ago.

There is a Sweet Frog (one of those frozen yogurt places where you add your own toppings, but with Jesus music blaring) across the street from the doctor's office and I took them there after we were done since they were apparently magically healed by me giving up my whole afternoon to drive them all over MD.


Toppings will cure me!


At the register, I saw this sign and I actually snorted in derision at the second line in the "approved discounts" list.





The military member has to physically BE there? What idiot made that a policy? When places that cater to children offer a military discount, they should expect them to be with their primary caregiver...who usually isn't active duty or retired military. Sorry kids, I know Daddy is deployed in Afghanistan, but no discount yogurt for you because he's not here right now! Here's some more salt for that open wound!







Sweet Frog, either go all in with the military discount or just don't do it. Fully Rely On God (F.R.O.G) my ass. Jesus was all about handing out free food.  Oh, and I bet he'd give teachers at least 20% off too.

The trip up the doctor wasn't a total waste of time because at least now I know it's just a virus. The baby's fever spiked back up to over 102 last night so I guess she's still sick, but Faith seems to be fine. Her immune system is more used to kid germs than the baby and Cordelia's time in the gym childcare was bound to make her sick eventually. I'm actually really bummed that I'm going to miss Zumba today. Who am I??

I think we all know the answer


Do you have any options for a discount? I use the military discount whenever I can, but I'm still too lazy to actually drive to shop at the commissary instead of the normal grocery store. I do miss having a student discount at the movie theaters. Actually, I just miss going to see movies in general. Mmmmm popcorn and silence.

Have you ever made a doctor's appointment and then felt better by the time you've gotten there? I've totally done that before and been so pissed at myself.

29 comments:

  1. I milk my teacher discount everywhere I can. I also used my College ID for discounts long after I had graduated. That's the benefit of having the voice, face, and bra size of a high schooler.

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  2. IS THAT SERIOUSLY WHAT FROG STANDS FOR?! Yikes.

    We use our DOD discount when we can for hotels and stuff like that. Every little bit helps!

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    1. Yeah I seriously want to know if Sweet Frog is a religious frozen yogurt place! I had no idea!

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    2. Oh it definitely is. http://sweetfrogyogurt.com/about

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  3. Former army wife and that shit just made my head explode. So ridiculous. We used the hell outta our DOD discounts when we could.

    Though, I have to question this frog place. Why have so many damn discounts? Maybe that is a sign that your froyo is a little over priced??

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  4. I use my corporate ID for discounts everywhere, and thats not accepted, I whip out my student ID. So what if I'm 35 years old, and my ID is from a university 3 provinces away ? My cheapness knows no bounds. Luckily, I get carded buying lotto tickets and beer, so no one flinches with the student ID.

    I'm petrified of my doctor, so I only book appointments with her if there's a bone sticking outside of my body or I am 100% certain I am dying. I don't have kids, but one of my dogs is a cute, psychotic little asshole, that goes through periods where she feels she really just needs to see the vet and wanders around the house looking like she's on her death bed - it's pitiful really. Then I haul her ass to the vet, and everything is great - she just wanted to see her buddy and I once again, look like the crazy dog lady. They're used to me.

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  5. I'm active duty Army, married to a fellow soldier, and, as the daughter of an airman, spent all 12 years of my childhood in Germany. I've used the hell out of military discounts.

    I often find that businesses that offer such discounts don't know enough about the military to speak intelligently. Like when they say that you must be "active duty" to receive a discount, they REALLY mean that you have to have an active ID card, and they accept dependant and reserve/retiree IDs too.

    Or when they say that the service member must be present -- that's not only impractical and a little ridiculous in your case, but it's pretty ignorant and insensitive to the plight of widows and orphans who get military benefits after their loved ones were killed in the line of duty.

    Like you said: go big or go home. Bad move, Sweet Frog.

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  6. I could probably get a student discount since i'm in grad school, but it's online classes and I don't have an ID so IDK.

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  7. I would have tried to get the discount anyway and taken the kids to a Godforsaken Baskin-Robbins if they gave me grief about it. I think most civilians know enough about how the military works to realize that the condition was dumb and insensitive.

    By the time I give in to the sickness, make an appt, and get to the appt, I'm 90% better and there isn't anything the doctor can do.

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  8. That last gif is perfectly placed. Living in a big military town, just about everyone offers a military discount, but I've never seen one require that the member has to physically be there. That's pretty stupid on their part. I think you should start some twitter outrage about it, my Wednesday is kind of slow and I love when social media gets outraged!

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  9. I loved getting student discounts, but sadly that is over for me. Now I just need to wait until I'm a senior citizen.

    And yeah, 10% off to teachers? Bullshit, give 20% or don't bother. Finally, ice cream stores with religious affiliations kind of creep me out. It's froyo, why bring Jesus into it?

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  10. Just a tip - most people at places like that actually can't tell the difference between an active duty/retired/dependent ID card so all of them will work. People are idiots.

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  11. Did not know that was what FROG stood for. Interesting.

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  12. Wow no military discount without the service member? Ridiculous! The spouses and kids deserve it just as much. I actually was able to get a 15% discount at the Brooks outlet for being a running coach. Score!

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  13. My dogs do this every time we got to the vet. So I take videos and pictures as proof...which I'm pretty sure just makes me look crazier, but not a liar!

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  14. My six-year-old did a very similar thing to me recently. They called me at work to pick him up from school for a low grade fever and "tummy ache," and when I got to the school, he was complaining that he couldn't walk because it hurt so badly. I had to carry him out of school, and because he was so tender to the touch, I took him to the ER because I thought it might be appendicitis. Long story short, after six hours in the ER, an IV, X-ray, etc, nothing was really wrong but he was still whining and refusing to walk until the PA took him to go get a popsicle. Then he was perfectly fine and even did jumping jacks to prove it. Made me feel like a moron because I could have skipped the whole ER visit and just gone to the frozen treats to start.

    I'm not affiliated with military, but that discount policy is ridiculous. As an hospital-based EMT, I usually don't qualify for places' EMS discounts, which makes no real sense since I have the same license but work for a different agency.

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  15. I've never been to sweet frog, but I've heard it's good so now I want to see if ours has a teacher discount. I always use mine at NY&co, they have a pretty sweet deal, plus gyms usually give you a discount. That day sounds stressful as hell. Those kids need to start acting sick for the doctor and stop this nonsense.

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  16. That is one bullshit military discount. That actually makes me really mad.

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  17. I think you need to write an email to Prince Frederick about the bullshit military discount. If anyone can help, a prince can.

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  18. Is there a different froyo place? Go there.

    We get the big family discount at some places...like swimming lessons are discounted 5% for each child after the first enrolled. And I'm edging up on the big senior discount at some more lenient establishments. Not sure I really wanted to share that fun fact, but there it is...

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  19. My husband became eligible for a seniors discount last year and I kindly applied for the card for him. It was my way of reminding him that I'm a decade younger.

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  20. The clinic we go to makes you see a community health worker first, then a nurse, then a doctor if the nurse feels it's warranted or you need a drug they can't prescribe. Multiple times I've had a sad, feverish, toddler clinging to me through the whole process then when the doctor comes in (always the same doctor) he starts bouncing off the walls and squealing. I think he just really loves the doctor but I always feel like an idiot.

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  21. I had NO Idea about the Sweet Frog acronym. Out of all conventional fast food places, I will still eat at Chick-Fil-A (primarily because my daughter likes it), but at least there you (1) kinda know what you're doing when you step inside and (2) I've written a lot about why I don't think it's proper to impute a political opinion to me just because we go there every so often. But the Sweet Frog thing is mind blowing. I had no idea. Like all of a sudden I'm going to find out that Lucky Jeans stands for Living Under Christs Kisses YO. Fuck, what else is out there? What if Polo shirts are called that not because of the man on the horse, but because it stands for Penises Overtly Lying Out, hence the "hung like a horse" thing.

    SO MUCH FOR ME SLEEPING TONIGHT THANKS A FUCKIN LOT!

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  22. Oh, and the military discount rule is fucking bullshit of the highest order, by the way. No joke there, that's just ridiculous.

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  23. Living in LA and having never enjoyed Sweet Frog's special Jesus fro yo, I went to their website to enjoy a moment of crazy. But I have to admit, if that company does half of the outreach and charity work that they claim to, then I think we need to cut them some slack. I know that's a big "if" (you mean everything on the internet isn't true?!?!), but holy crap, I think the founder might actually be Jesus.

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  24. I work near a massive Urban Outfitters campus and they have an awesome but overpriced cafeteria. They offer 50% off for UO employees, which I am not, but whenever they ask me at the register I say YEP! because A) a $5 lunch is better than a $10 lunch, and B) that means I probably look like a hipster which is kind of fun for a minute :)

    Sweet Frog is weird... If I had one in my area I probably would chose not to frequent it.

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  25. OMG, I can't even believe that's what the FROG stands for. LOL I might avoid that place now, just because.
    You seem to take the girls to the doctor a lot. How do you even know if it's a doctor situation or it's gonna clear up on it's own? Do you just do the doctor all the time just in case?

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    1. Between the two of them, I do go often. Most of them time it's for what they call "well visits" for the baby. When they are sick, I usually give it a couple of days and talk to the nurse. They tell me if I should bring them in or not. It's good to rule out an ear infection or strep before you just try to wait it out at home :)

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