Laissez faire toddler

Alternative title: Free Range Baby

I am just about finished the book, Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter, on more peacefully feeding my kid that I got yesterday (I am a quick reader). So far I've been able to pick up one key lesson: When the kid is eating, leave her the fuck alone. That's it. That's the key.


Things I need to stop doing:

Don't you want to eat this pasta? You LOVE pasta! Try a bite! Nom nom nom, see?


You don't want your waffle? Do you want a string cheese instead?


Just try one bite, you'll like it!


Don't mash that up! Eat it or don't but don't make a mess!


I read the book sections on toddler feeding and gave it some thought: Have I ever liked a food because someone made me try it as a kid? Nope. How would I react if someone else was more invested in my eating than me? Probably lose my appetite and want meal time to be over.

Mommy, it's been over a year now...you need a new hobby

So here's the plan: Faith will get 3 meals a day and 2 snacks. I will provide food to meet her nutritional needs, but it is up to her whether she eats it and how much she eats. I'm not going to stick my nose in her business anymore, especially since she obviously knows how to eat what she needs.

Today was the first day of this new plan and this is probably a coincidence, but she had raw vegetables for the first time today...EVER. It was so hard to not react to that. Everyone told me that if she ate vegetable purees as a little baby that she would have a taste for it, but that's just a lie. Up until today she's only put it near her mouth and then put it back down, but now I wonder if it's because I was perched close to her being like "YES. YES, YOU WANT IT. EAT IT. EAT IT."

I am this dog for Faith

I didn't even say anything as she mashed up bread at lunch and it turns out that she does eat it after she's done making a horrible, horrible mess. I'm hoping that I can get better at un-clenching a little so I don't feel so uptight about seeing her destroy food and then maybe eat it. I wonder if yoga moms are better at that than running moms?

Speaking of running, I ran 8.5 miles on the treadmill during nap time today because it was pouring rain all day so we didn't run in the morning. As a result, the dog was nuts all day. I literally threw the ball for her across the house for an hour today. Luckily Faith thinks that is hilarious and better than any TV show.

You have to admit, it's pretty funny looking

So here's a practice scenario for you all:

You've gone grocery shopping, prepped the meal and cooked and then served it. You picked the meal with your kid's taste's in mind. As you serve it up, they make a face and eat some of the fruit on the side and then poke at what you cooked.

Don't you really want to say something and try to reason with them about how they like what you've made because they have had it before? Welcome to my challenge.

Back to what we call normal

Faith is feeling much better, but I think whatever she has is just running its course and the medicine that doctor gave us isn't do anything to fight the infection. He just prescribed her an antihistamine to help with her congestion, and as far as I can tell, it just makes her drowsy.

Awesome parenting confession of the week: I timed giving her the dose of drowsy medicine so it would be kicking in just as we left for a run.

Mommy, where are we goin...zzzzzzzzzzzz

She didn't fall asleep on the run, but she was much quieter than normal and just stared at the trees as we ran by them. She probably also amused herself with listening to me suck wind as I tried to push the stroller at a reasonable pace with a brisk head wind. I slowed to grab a quick swig of water and ended up dumping half the bottle down my shirt because I hadn't put the top on tight enough. So I got to run most of the way in a soaked t-shirt while pushing a drugged toddler and dragging a deranged mutt. Nothing but normal around here.

When we got back from our windy 4 miles, I helped Faith wake up a little by making her clean the kitchen:




Next cleaning "game": the baseboards! It was nice to come back upstairs after my 4.25 treadmill portion of the day's run and see a nice clean floor and know that I didn't clean it all.

Our normal mealtimes around here are pretty bad. I've recently purchased Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter in hopes that the toddler section can help make every meal not be an ordeal. I've only read a chapter already and I'm apparently doing almost everything wrong. It's amazing that without this book that I would have gone through life not knowing how very wrong I am. We had a sweet spot for a while where Faith was eating a ton of food and was happy about it, but we're moving into a "push Mommy's buttons!" phase of toddler food refusal.

This is an example of what goes on a meal time around here lately (i.e. anything BUT actually eating):

Why can I still hear Mommy going on and on?

Mommy, you talk too much.

It's really amazing to me that Faith is consistently at the top of her percentiles for height and weight but can seemingly go for days living on dust and fruit leathers.

I have a mini fridge under my crib.

Have you ever been so frustrated with something that you resort to reading a book about how to make it better? I never did before I had a kid, but now I'm willing to grasp at any straws.

Is this what hell is like?

As a disclaimer, I really do like our pediatrician and I have a lot of respect for him as a doctor, but doesn't mean I love everything about the experience of visiting his office.

The best part about our pediatrician is that if you call in the morning and say "My kid is sick" then he will see you that day, usually within a few hours. This is also the worst part about our pediatrician because despite what my kindergarten teachers said, I'm not a special snowflake and the doctor doesn't extend special privileges just for me. This translates in long waits in sometimes very crowded waiting rooms. Usually it only takes half an hour in that waiting room for me to lose all faith in humanity.

Why must people ignore the "sick kid" and the "well kid" sides of the waiting room? It's not rocket science because you should know WHY you're at the doctor. Is it because little Timmy needs a vaccine? Or is it because little Timmy has a touch of the consumption?

If you don't watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you're missing out

No matter what, there is always at least one kid screaming at all times. Sometimes it's a low moan emanating from one of the exam rooms and other times, it's a shrill "I'm BEING KILLED BACK HERE" death scream that makes all the other kids stop in their tracks.

This is what they are imagining is in the back

The communal toys and books look like relics from 1985 and that they haven't been washed since 1986. I can't exactly force Faith to not play with the toys there, especially if we're waiting there forever, but I mentally cringe when she touches the stuff.

Despite all of this, the main thing that makes going to the doctor just miserable is how much Faith hates it. She is happy and playing until they call us back and then it's like she is possessed. It's been this way for over a year now, so I think she's just "that kid" that the doctor tells stories about to other people.

Taking her to the doctor is almost pointless because it's next to impossible to examine her. For example today the nurse couldn't get a temperature on her beyond 97 degrees and there was no bribery on this planet that would have worked to get her to stand on that scale by herself. Her weight shall remain a mystery.

Once the doctor came into our room, we both had to hold the flailing kid down on the table while she screamed so hard that snot was spraying me in the face...and that was just for the doctor to listen to her heart.  Luckily the doctor has a sense of humor and only remarked "Wow, she's a fighter isn't she?" as one of her sneaker encased feet came dangerously close to breaking his glasses.

After getting her throat swabbed for strep (now THAT is a good time to be had by all), her ears checked and some blood taken, the verdict is that she has "some kind of infection that's not an ear infection or strep". Awesome, glad I came.

The doctor did send us home with something that should make her feel better, but I wouldn't know because CVS was being a jackass about getting it ready. I think 45 minutes should be more than enough time, but they disagreed so I had to leave for Faith's nap time. I'll go back later and pick up the medicine after Faith wakes up. If I had known that it was going to take that long, I would have just had the doctor call the medicine in at the pharmacy on base because then I don't have to pay the co-pay, but I didn't want to drive across town with a sick baby when I thought CVS would be faster. Also, when you wait in line at the base pharmacy, anyone in a uniform gets to cut ahead of you in line. Normally I totally get that concept, but not when I'm holding a sick and very cranky toddler. Thank you CVS for proving to me that being cheap is always a better call than being lazy.

Faith has been fever free today and I'm hoping after she gets a few doses of the elusive medicine that her appetite will come back soon too (and that she stops shooting green mucous from her nose, that would be nice too). We go back to the doctor's office on Thursday for a follow-up so I get to live all of this again, with the hopeful exception of the pharmacy trips.

Do you like your doctor (or pediatrician) office? Do you ever think about Sartre's No Exit when you sit in the waiting room, or is that just me?

Windy races and runny noses

Yesterday morning was another one of the trail races in my running club's winter trail running series. Earlier this week we had temps up into the 70s and then a really bad thunderstorm the day before the race, which also brought in a cold wind. I didn't realize how cold it really was outside until I had already left my house...without a hat. Luckily, I had 2 pairs of gloves in my car! My husband says I'm going to be on "Hoarders: Car Edition" but sometimes it pays off.

The race was held at a really pretty horse park in Charles County, MD.

There is nothing I love more than the smell of horse crap first thing in the morning

I got there early to help set up and register people, so that was the parking lot before people showed up. As we were setting up, I realized that I couldn't see the laptop screen at all without some shade, so we pulled out the tent and positioned it to give me some shade:

Running? Who needs running when I've got this here chair?

The tent thing worked out for me to see the screen...for about 10 minutes before a huge gust of wind came up and picked it up and blew it 25 feet away. Even as all the registration papers and bibs were flying away, we were laughing at the ridiculous sight of the tent bouncing and rolling along with the wind. Luckily those chair guys are pretty fast runners and grabbed the tent before it got too far, but the wind was getting worse so we had to just put it away.

At least the water cooler was safe

Eventually one of the club members pulled up his huge pick up truck to the table so I could have some shade to read the screen (do you know the shame of having to admit that you can't find your curser?). We had about 35 people show up to race which was really good considering there was another trail race nearby.

I had made Peanut wait in the car because she doesn't provide much help to me in registering people (unless by "register" you mean jump on them and lick their faces). When I brought her out, she was ready to go. She absolutely loves lining up to start a race and lets everyone know by whining...a lot. The general reaction is usually "Wow. Your dog really wants to run..." Yes, yes she does.

I like the pretend that I am hunting the greatest game of all

This was my fourth trail race in this series and I've run into this same issue at the less populated of the races: I'm a lone wolf at my pace. The fast guys are a lot faster than and the people behind me aren't in sight either. Most of the other races have been almost over marked, but this one left a little to the imagination. I always knew I was on a path, but I wasn't sure if I was on the race course. At one point I even considered running back the way I came because I had been running alone for like a mile, but I figured if I just kept going I would find someone eventually.

The wind was really bad for the race (gusts up to 50mph according to the weather report) and the mud was pretty thick on the trails from the storm the day before. The trails were otherwise really easy with minimal hills and no rocks or tree roots. There was a 1/4 uphill to the finish, which is odd because I didn't remember running down a hill that big on the way out. Isn't it funny how that always happens?

I finished up the 4.06 mile course in 35:30 (Garmin time, no official time yet). Once I finished, I turned around and headed back out to make it an even 5 miles for the day, for no other reason that I'm neurotic about getting an even number for weekly mileage. That brought me to 50 miles for the week, which was perfect because I thought I was going to be out of town all day Sunday and not run.

Or...I could stay home with a sick kid! Faith's rough behavior on Thursday and Friday developed into an impressive head cold. It's the kind that when she sneezes, giant green shoe strings of snot fly out of her nose and hang all the way down to her hands. We're so proud.

I can't believe you just told them that

She's also been waking up from sleeping with her hair and face absolutely crunchy with dried snot, so there has been a lot sheet changing going on and endless fresh shirts.

I'm trying to find the perfect outfit for watching the Academy Awards

She went for almost 3 days of barely eating anything other than yogurt and pudding (maybe her throat hurts?), but she finally started eating non-yogurt food this morning. She was back on yogurt and pudding for lunch, but I still have hope that we've turned a corner.

Don't deny me my yogurt you vile woman!

The best part of her yogurtarian diet is that her favorite kind of yogurt isn't cheap and only comes in tiny packs of 4 (Stonyfield YoToddler strawberry banana with added grains if you must know). It's really hard to find full fat yogurt around here and I don't want to give her reduced fat stuff, so for now we'll just get her fancy yogurt and hope this is a short phase.

Are you saying I'm not worth it??

Even though she's breathing like Darth Vadar, she is still sleeping and I was able to do an easy run (4.25 miles) during nap time today, which brought me to 54 miles for the week. I only briefly considered running an extra mile to make it an even 55. I have issues.

I'm hoping that her cold is better by tomorrow, but I might keep her home from toddler story time anyway just in case. I hate when people bring sick kids to public places, so I don't want to be that person.


What's your favorite "It's expensive but so worth it!" food indulgence? For me, it's non-generic soda. It's so worth it.

My performance review is not going to be good

Generally, I feel like I do a pretty good job at this parenting thing, but some days can make me question that. Today started at 4:30 am with Faith sobbing in her crib. Her molars have been bothering her and I think the Motrin had worn off. I wasn't able to get her calmed down and back to sleep until 5:30am, but my husband's alarm goes off at 6am, so we weren't in luck for getting much more sleep.

The day went pretty much downhill from there. She sobbed for 45 minutes because she didn't want oatmeal or a banana for breakfast (which are normally a big hit with her). She ended up face down on the couch sobbing onto the leather upholstery while half watching me to see if I would react. Initially, I tried to distract her, but she was dead set on being mad, so eventually I just let her be and she got over it in time to eat half of my breakfast.

Mommy, you are an awful food sharer!

We ran for 4 miles outside and the nice weather seemed to help her mood a little, at least until we got home and I had the audacity to offer her sub par food choices for lunch. Faith has decided to become a yogurtarian, hopefully only because of teething, but that's one of the only food items I was able to get her to eat.

I read that yogurt is a super food 

After yet more Motrin, she went down for a good nap and I ran 6 miles on the treadmill to bring me to 10 for the day. Once the little monster woke up, I took her to the park. The playground is the best place for grumpy teething toddlers because who can be mad when there are swings?

When I brought her back home, she refused all food for dinner except yogurt and Pirate's Booty, so I'm getting an A+ for child nutrition today. Dairy and carpet fuzz are the two food groups of the day.

It wasn't all carpet fuzz, some of it was your hair

Faith has even been taking out her grumpy mood on the dog, so I've had to say "No hitting the dog with drum sticks!" multiple times today. I don't normally feel bad for the dog, but after the headache I've picked up from this day, I'm sure she has one too.

I told you that you should have gotten another dog instead

At least Peanut has the comfort of Faith's toys:

This ape understands my hatred of legos everywhere

They do have things in common: they both have to deal with Faith sticking her fingers up their noses.

Stuffed gorilla boogers = toddler caviar 

Hearing the kid fuss all today is both exhausting and frustrating. It's frustrating because I hate that she's in discomfort and I can't do anything about it and also...because it's frustrating to hear whining all day. At least my husband was nice enough to shift his school work schedule to come home at normal time (instead of staying late at work to do homework). Faith is always in a better mood when he's around, but who can blame her? He's pretty fun.

This has been one of those days when I'm glad being a mom isn't a traditional job with performance reviews because my short drooly boss would have been making a lot of negative notes today. Also, this has also been a day where running 10 miles has been the least exhausting part.

If you're on the fence about having kids, please disregard this Debbie Downer post. They are a special gift make each day special...so special that sometimes they have to wake you up hours before dawn so you can enjoy it more.

It's probably because I smell

I love almost every aspect of staying home with my kid, except for the challenge of trying to find other mom friends. Don't get me wrong, I have a great group of friends who are also moms, but none of them have kids close in age with Faith. I feel like I need a Match.com for finding other moms. That has to be less awkward than trying to hit on them at the park or story time.

Me: So...how old is your little girl? (This is the parental equivalent of "How about that weather?")
Random woman: Oh, she's 19 months. You?
Me: She's a year and a half!
Random woman: My...she's so tall.
Me: Yeah, my husband is tall.

I literally  have this exact conversation over and over again...and nothing ever comes of it. I just don't know how to take it to the next level. It's like dating, but more awkward somehow.

Oh Mommy, you are so embarrassing to take out in public

I was hoping that by attending story time at the library that I would meet moms with kids Faith's age and we could do fun things like play dates, but that hasn't actually happened yet. The trouble is that when you put a group of people together because they have offspring in the same age range, chances are that the parents don't have much in common. I think I hit rock bottom today at story time when I purposefully sat by a woman in workout gear because I felt like I had a chance with her. This is starting to seriously sound creepily close to dating, right?

Mommy, now it makes sense that you had to marry a guy with a head injury

The sad thing is that I've met some really cool moms through the running club with kids in the right age range, but they are lame and have jobs. Also, my neighborhood is full of fun people, but most of them are lame with the "having a job" thing too. Maybe I should start a subset running club for unemployed moms (or stay at home moms if you want to be politically correct). We could arrange group stroller runs where it takes us 15 minutes to make it one mile because everyone has to keep stopping to retrieve sippy cups and unwrap snacks. Sign me up!



Ok, hit me with your tips on "taking it to the next level" for friending (not an actual word, but Facebook as taught me that it is) strange women?

Lessons learned: Running edition

For some things, it just takes one bad experience for me to learn my lesson and for others, I never seem to learn my lesson. This applies to many parts of my life, so that also includes running.

Some lessons that I learned after just one time:

Never put a Gu in my sports bra. During my first marathon I was carrying my Gu packs in my jacket pocket but I got hot and dropped my jacket at the halfway point. I didn't have any pockets, so I put one down the front of my sports bra and held the other 2 Gu packs in my hand. I ended up never taking the sports bra Gu and 13 miles of having it in my sports bra resulted in a bloody mess. Those foil packets will cut you!

Just not in your bra

Turning my head to talk while trail running. It only took falling once while doing that for me to learn it's better to just talk louder and keep my eyes on the trail.


I have a much longer list of lessons that I never seem to learn:



Body Glide should never be used sparingly.  Especially when running a 50K with a hydration pack in July.

It's like a vampire with carpet fangs attacked me

Signing up for crowded races when I hate running crowded events. I don't know why that lesson just can't sink in for me.

I will never love people enough to enjoy this level of togetherness

What I eat the day before a run matters. I always think "I can handle it!" as if I can will myself to handle whatever shit I feel like eating at that moment, but in reality it's better for me to really watch my fiber intake. I had a series of bad runs with GI issues and I finally realized fiber was to blame. No fiber = happy system.

My kryptonite 

Hills are always worse to think about running than to actually run. I always dread them and when I see one ahead of me I doubt that I can run up the whole thing, yet I always can. My brain hasn't caught on that my legs are perfectly capable of carrying my body up the hill.

What running lessons are you learning over and over again?

Random Observations from the weekend

I found a new (to me) website called "Meme Generator" and I plan on explaining everything now with a meme. My friend Brian made these two lovely memes to explain my failed weekend getaway.

We got about an inch of snow last night and the kid wasn't a fan.

Mommy, who left this wet mess in MY yard?

Daddy should find a job in San Diego, this is bullcrap

Faith might not have been a fan, but Peanut had enough enthusiasm for them both.




Yes, my dog uses the one tree in our yard as a chew toy. As my husband always says: "This is why we can't have nice things".

Mommy, why can't we have a normal dog?

I ran with a bunch of speedy people from the running club today and I realized that they have a gear that I just don't have. I ran 7.75 miles with them and then they shifted gears for a 8 mile tempo at a 7min/mile pace and it was enough to make me laugh to see them speed away from me. Peanut was so mad that we fell behind, but once we finished up with 10.25 miles for the day, she was too tired to complain anymore.

When my in-laws come to visit, they usually bring something for Faith and this time they outdid themselves. Behold, the ultimate grandparent gift:

Mommy, can I keep him?

I shall call him Cornelius 

The Planet of the Apes had a happy ending, right?

Watching her carry around that stuffed ape that's bigger than her is hilarious. When we laugh, she finds comfort in her ape friend.

You're the only one who understands me

Are you like Faith and hate the snow or like Peanut and go NUTS in the snow?

Coon on a Cold Tin Roof

My husband and I are home early from our weekend away at a bed and breakfast in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia...for a somewhat unusual reason. No, the kid didn't get sick and no, I didn't go crazy without the internet and demand to return early. To explain what happened, let's start at the beginning:

Driving most of the way to the B&B was fairly easy. It took about 4 hours and it was a really pretty drive.

I love how my husband hates when I drive so I don't have to take a turn

The directions said the inn was at the end of a windy road. We drove up a mountain on a windy road, but then we realized that wasn't the road that they meant. The actual road to the inn was very rustic:

Is it normal to sweat this much just sitting in a car?

Pick up truck + hair pin turns = lots of cursing

We finally arrived at the B&B:

Please note the tin roof, that's important for later

For full disclosure, my husband and I aren't really "B&B people" and prefer the sterile anonymity of a hotel. I have stayed at many B&Bs in my time because my parents liked them for family vacations, so I have a fair amount of comparison to work with here. It seems fitting that the innkeepers at this B&B didn't seem to enjoy their job either.

When we arrived at 5pm, we had asked for a "snack basket" to be available for our room since it was 2 hours until dinner and we figured we could munch on it the next day too. When we checked in, they told us that we couldn't have the basket because we'd ruin our appetites for dinner. Seriously. Only at a B&B would they refuse to sell us a $25 snack basket because we can't be trusted to be reasonable adults who won't ruin our dinner.

Once the dinner happened (also at the inn), the food was mediocre at best. It wasn't cheap and my beef short ribs were fairly chewy and bland and it came with a couscous salad that just didn't go (don't I sound like I've been watching a lot of Chopped lately? Because I have). I didn't finish all of my food and then the chef/innkeeper came out after and told me that it was a good thing that they didn't let me have the snack basket because then I would have eaten almost nothing. Oh good, I was worried that dinner wouldn't come with a side of judgment.

Once the awkward dinner was over, we went back to our nice room.

Fire! Burn! Fire!

We tried to make a fire but failed miserably, mostly because we only had four lame logs and no kindling. As we were trying to fall asleep, we heard something outside. We didn't think anything of it and I slept really well until something jerked me awake at 1am. At first I thought it was the baseboard heater, but then as I lay in bed, I heard the "scurry scurry" sound of a mouse right near my head. It startled me, but I realized that it was outside. Then I heard the sound of something much larger scampering on the roof and it sounded like it was trying to get inside the room.

At this point I woke up my husband and once he heard it too, he didn't even think I was crazy. Off and on for the next 5 hours, we were trying to go back to sleep only to be startled awake by scampering feet and animal noises on the roof. It sounded like it was more than one animal up there and they were chasing each other around. Finally when the sun came up, the animal noises stopped, but then we realized that having the roof above the kitchen was a horrible idea.

We felt like zombies at breakfast and told the innkeepers that we had barely slept and couldn't stay in that room for another night. At first the woman tried to insist that it was just squirrels, but squirrels are diurnal and don't stomp on roofs at 3am. I really appreciated that her first reaction was to argue with me and try to use her homeschool education to outsmart me. Then both of the innkeepers were just like "Well, we can't do anything about the critters" and offered that we could move to a tiny room in one of the out-cabins, but my husband is a tall guy and he wouldn't fit in the bed in that room. At this point we were both ready to just get out of there, so that's what we did.

When we had checked in, our room had this shiny silver notebook (like the kind a 7th grader uses as a diary) that people used to write about their experience. Everyone said "This was SO RELAXING and we had the best time ever!!" and as a tribute to the book, we commented several times in the middle of the night as we listened to the "critters" playing on the tin roof: "This sure is relaxing!"

My husband wouldn't let me write in this book

On the plus side, we had a nice time driving home and stopped at a great kabob place in Fredericksburg, VA and lamb makes everything better. My husband and I definitely got a lot of bonding time this weekend and a nice shared sleep debt.

Let's bond over sleeping 12 hours for the next vacation, ok?

I was a little mad that my husband wouldn't let me write in the room guest book because I even had a great idea for it:

2/17


5pm: We just arrived and it's so quiet and rustic here! We're really going to relax here!


9:30pm: We are hearing strange sounds outside. I'm scared.


2am: Oh god, I think the coons are finding a way in. 


3am: Please tell my daughter I love her. I can see their eyes now.




Now, wouldn't you laugh to read that in a room guest book at a B&B?


This picture sums up this whole post:

Nobody knows the trouble I've known....